I like messing around with new technology. What bloke doesn’t?

So, when a pal of TAT’s offered me a loan of one of those new in-car navigation systems, I had to take him up on it. They always intrigued me, not only with their vast knowledge of our road systems, but also the way they know where you are all the time.

We installed it yesterday, and I thought I’d try it out. I wanted to hear it tell me how to get to the village, which is a mile down the road. So I programmed in my location, and I told it where I wanted to go. And off I went.

I normally turn right at the end of the lane, and I was a bit surprised when a sexy female voice told me to turn left. But with a voice like that, how could I refuse? Maybe it knew a shortcut I had never heard of?

It was very seductive, being given these silky instructions on where and when to turn, and I trusted it completely.

I began to have some doubts when I found myself paying the motorway toll at Drogheda, but I was sure the nice girl knew best. So I carried on.

It’s a long time since I had been to Sligo, and Benbulbin looked nice through the rain.

Another place I can recommend is the Lakes of Killarney at sunset. They looked beautiful and mysterious.

I began to have my doubts about Sexy Girl’s instructions somewhere outside Bristol. This did seem rather a long shortcut. So I asked her if she was lost. She remained confident, but I was getting worried. So I reprogrammed her to take me home again.

I’m not quite sure why she chose a route through Amsterdam, but I had never been there before, and it is a beautiful city at night. I was getting hungry at this stage and I asked her to find me somewhere to eat. No problem. She found me a very nice little all-night bistro just outside Cherbourg.

I arrived home a short while ago. I never did pass through the village. My confidence in technology is a little shaken.

When we head off on the holiday, I think I’ll use a map.