Anyone for tee?
By now you probably know I hate sport.
I have played a little tennis in my time. I played hockey once by accident, and they tried to make me play rugby at school.
The only sport I ever really took to was golf. Well, by golf, I mean par-3. Until a couple of years ago, I had never weilded anything bigger than a three-iron.
It’s an old cliché that retired [or semi-retired] people take up golf. It never occurred to me to do anything like that. It costs a lot to join a club and you need all sorts of things like golf clubs. But I quite like playing. It is a relaxing sort of game. There is no hysteria, like in football. You can talk golf without having to know the name and score of every player back to the 1940s. It is played in pleasant open spaces where you can enjoy nature, and it’s good exercise.
There is something immensely satisfying about a good tee shot. There is the crisp click as you hit the ball square on and then watch as it sails high off over the trees to be followed by the sound of breaking glass and a yell from some unfortunate.
Our K8 was here over the weekend. She told me she had bought some clubs for The Accidental Terrorist for his birthday. He had immediately gone out and completed the set. But he already had a full set which is now redundant. So she informed me that his entire old set is now in my porch. It’s mine.
All I need now is someone to play with and somewhere to play it. None of my pals around here play, so it’s a bit of a problem. I’m going to play around the garden a bit. I have enough space to play with putters and 9-irons and maybe even 7-irons. I’ll have to cut the grass more often though. I can practice my drives by aiming for the neighbour’s windows.
Our K8 is move to a new house close by soon, and she says we are going to play a lot on the course up the road. That sounds great, but I think they’ve closed the course down, which is a bummer.
My ambition is to be the first person ever to get a hole in one on a par 5 at the U.S. Masters at Augusta.
Does anyone know where I can get an application form?
“Does anyone know where I can get an application form?”
From your friend GW of course!
I suppose you get to puff on the pipe while playing golf, or is it considered a workplace since the grass needs to be cut on a regular basis?
Grandad,
Most golfers I know are Freemasons. Do you have to roll up your trousers to play?
I went to a golf club once, for lunch after a funeral, there were lots of 4 x 4s and Beamers. The chariot things they ride up and down the runways in were as big as the little Nissan Micra.
Are you sure about this?
@Grannymar – That’s another thing about golf. Try playing football while smoking a pipe!!!!
@Ian – Once more I’m trying to strike a blow for the common man. I abhor the Golf Mentality you’re talking about, where the only topic of conversation is stock, shares and business.
I want to go and enjoy the smell of cut grass and stroll along the fairways in peace.
You don’t play by any chance? 😉
I found one other partner, but he is in America, so setting a tee-off time will be tricky [what with the time difference and all].
Blog-golf! what next?
Flog.
Ok – so how do we play that one?
You start at the hole and try to hit the ball so it ends on the tee.
Funny you wrote this Grandad I was out for a brisk 9 on Sunday. You should try to make it out to western Canada where golf is a lot more egalitarian and except for some of the city courses not at all about snobishness. In Brandon Manitoba where I am from you are far more likely to see a rusting pick up truck in the parking lot then a beemer and the only stock they talk about is the price of cows at the auction mart.
and an expensive round of golf would be about 40 euro for two players.
i considered playing golf at the Templepatrick Hilton but unfortunately is snowed that day lol
Sorry Sean, but playing golf wouldn’t be sufficient excuse to emigrate.
Playing golf in the snow should be easy if you use a black ball? I don’t know much about these things.
@Sean the Templepatrick Hilton is not far from me. It is a very new course. If you had told me I might have acted as caddy.
Snow in these parts never lasts more than a half a day.
@Grandad I thought they used a red ball.
As I say, I don’t know much about these things. I’ve seen white ones and yellow ones all right, but that’s about all.
In the meantime, you’ll need a bit of practise with your driver and some waste household food matter. Along with previously mentioned rotten spuds, other options are: rotten tomatoes, wet nappies, expired eggs and dog poo. (The latter might provide a solution to your mystery front-gate pooer)
Then do a thesis on the ratio of matter-mushiness to neighbour irritation. Should keep you occupied ’till the golf course opens up again.
Nice one 🙂
But who is going to clean the club-heads?
The trouble with most of the above is that they explode when I hit them. But the dog poo dries nicely. I’ll try that. And come autumn, I’ll have all the windfalls from the orchard.
Grandad,
I was enjoying a drink at the “19th Hole” of our local public golf course when I overheard this conversation between two golfers who had just finished their round of play.
“I’m going to Dr. Taylor for a new set of dentures tomorrow.”
“Oh, yeah, I went to him a couple years ago,too”
“Is that so, did he do a good job?”
“Well, let me tell you, I was on the course yesterday and a guy teed off and hit the ball about 200 yards. It came screaming down the fairway and hit me right in the groin. That was the first time in two years that my teeth didn’t hurt.”
Just remember, like what goes on tour stays on tour – what you wear on the course – stays on the course!
Grandad if you arent willing to emigrate for golf then you aren’t taking your golf serious enough
Actually I have just had a brainwave.
I’m going to open my own golf course.
Do you want to join? Introductory offer – only €30,000
Depends on how fast my copier takes to whip up the 30,000