I was a floating voter up to yesterday.
So I floated down to the polling station to see what would happen.
The place was deserted except for a very bored looking garda and a few people sitting behind boxes. They looked like they were expecting thousands to arrive, and all started fighting to get me over to their table, because I was the only person there. And Herself of course.
Being a very conscientious person, I had recycled my polling card a couple of weeks ago, but that didn’t bother them. I just told them that I was famous and that was good enough.
So I cast my vote and went looking for the Exit Poll that they are always talking about. I found the exit, but no Poles. There were a couple of Lithuanians beating the crap out of each other, so I shot them. There was also a very beautiful blue butterfly on the ground. I carried him to a bush in case someone stepped on him.
I suppose you want to know how I voted?
I’m not in Bertie’s or Harney’s or McDowell’s constituencies so there was nothing I could do about them.
So I crossed the first candidate off the list and printed in Grandad. I gave myself Number One, of course.
Herself did the same. So if noone else turns up, I’m elected.
And the rest?
Well, they are all pretty much the same when the dust settles. I still couldn’t decide. Then it struck me. The perfect vote!
I gave them all my Number Twos.