A floating voter finally sinks
I was a floating voter up to yesterday.
So I floated down to the polling station to see what would happen.
The place was deserted except for a very bored looking garda and a few people sitting behind boxes. They looked like they were expecting thousands to arrive, and all started fighting to get me over to their table, because I was the only person there. And Herself of course.
Being a very conscientious person, I had recycled my polling card a couple of weeks ago, but that didn’t bother them. I just told them that I was famous and that was good enough.
So I cast my vote and went looking for the Exit Poll that they are always talking about. I found the exit, but no Poles. There were a couple of Lithuanians beating the crap out of each other, so I shot them. There was also a very beautiful blue butterfly on the ground. I carried him to a bush in case someone stepped on him.
I suppose you want to know how I voted?
I’m not in Bertie’s or Harney’s or McDowell’s constituencies so there was nothing I could do about them.
So I crossed the first candidate off the list and printed in Grandad. I gave myself Number One, of course.
Herself did the same. So if noone else turns up, I’m elected.
And the rest?
Well, they are all pretty much the same when the dust settles. I still couldn’t decide. Then it struck me. The perfect vote!
I gave them all my Number Twos.
I was going to say that I’d give you my number 1 but in the context of your piece maybe not.
It’s the though that counts. 🙂
HA! Did you have an extra strong beef and onion stew to prepare for the vote? You should’ve given your Number Twos to the posters on the roadsides. Would that be a smear-campaign?
No. That would have been my turd preference.
I voted yesterday.
The way those Rock The Vote crew were going on about it, you’d swear a load of hot women were going to fall at my feet just because I voted, or I’d start frothing at the mouth in ecstasy from taking part in parliamentary democracy.
Anticlimax of the century. Fact.
Now I’m off to continue planning seizing power in 2016, when you’ll no longer have to vote.
So, who won?
Why 2016? Centenary of the Easter Rising?
I hope to get there long before you. I hope to be The Great Benevolent Dictator by 2010. You shall all refer to me as ‘Our Dear Leader’ [the N.Koreans have a nice system there].
You will find that I’m such a good leader that you won’t want to seize power. Or else I’ll set Tiddles on you.
Brian – As usual, the bookies and the newspapers. The country lost [doesn’t matter who gets in].
No results for a long time yet. They’re still sorting the votes and starting the counts. We should have a good idea by tonight. Though some counts have been known to go on for days.
Here the polls close at 8pm and by the 11pm news we have, if not the results a pretty good idea how the election went.
Maybe yous’ guys’ should try electronic voting machines.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Ha Ha. We already have. It’s sitting in warehouses at a million a year in storage fees.
It is just like our governments – Very expensive, utterly useless, based on outdated material and full of security breaches. Need I go on.
Anyway, I’m in no hurry to hear that that f*cker Bertie has stuttered his way back in…..
On the news this morning
‘The first seats should be declared by tea time’
Sometimes I really miss Ireland.
I might actually move that date forward. It would coincide with the Rising yes, but also it would probably take me nine years to get my hands on that much VX nerve gas to attack the Dail with.
Also, are you planning to implement a Juche policy like Kim Jong-Il himself?
@Conortje – why?
@Dario – Yup. All religions are OK but must be practised in the privacy of the home. The Angelus on RTE will be the first to go. All sport will be banned too, with the exception of the local lads kicking a ball around the local field.
Political Correctness will be outlawed, as will drinking in enclosed spaces. Smoking of pipes will be encouraged everywhere. I’ll do a full post on this sometime.
The electronic voting machines.Did you buy them from us.
More than likely. They run Windows 98 or 95 or something, so they are probably U.S. rejects.
A snip at €60,000,000 plus a bit!!!
Wish I’d thought of sending a postal vote – directly to Bertie’s house…
As long as it contained something particularly nasty.
😉
I’m sorry to see you lost your seat. At least you saved your deposit. I always thought you’d have had a better chance if you stopped blogging and went canvassing. Anyway, they need a new leader – now that there are so few of them. And you need to spend more time with your family. The party will be safe in a woman’s hands. At least you weren’t exposed during the campaign. Condolences… I voted for you.