The County Council are driving me mad.
For some reason, best known to themselves, they’ve gone crazy digging the place up. They are digging holes in the road. They are digging trenches in the road. They are digging slots in the road.
The holes are round, square, oblong and rectangular. They are in no particular pattern. They are scattered at random along a half mile stretch outside my house.
Now each time they dig a hole, they look into it, and then fill it up again. And they finish it off perfectly, before moving on to the next one. And they’re not moving gradually down, or up the road. When they finish one, they might move 3 yards or 300 yards before starting again. There is no pattern at all to it.
The thing that is bugging me [apart from the noise and the fact that I can’t get out of my lane half the time] is the reason for it. I have been trying to work it out. I have come up with the following possible reasons….
They are looking for something. Maybe the last time they resurfaced the road, someone dropped something precious like a wedding ring or a mobile phone or a sandwich? And now they are digging in all the spots where he remembers standing? That can’t be it, because they are going down very deep, and the bloke must have done a lot of standing around [there again…?]
It’s a Government Plot. They are looking for my Interweb connection so that they can silence me? If so, they’ll have a job because all the wiring here is overhead and I use wireless anyway.
It’s a Government Plot. Prior to the upcoming election, they are culling schoolchildren, the unemployed, the sick and homeless people, so that they can produce nice statistics. And they are burying the body parts under my road? Could be?
They are mining. They are finally laying the land mines I requested, to keep the tourists away. I requested this a long time ago as I’m sick of giving lost tourists directions up onto the bogs. This is a definite possibility.
It’s a FÃ?S training thing. This has definite possibilities. It’s all part of a training scheme. They are sending the trainees out to my stretch of road to practice their hole digging skills. They are also being taught how to set up temporary traffic lights to cause maximum disruption.
At the moment, they are filling in the holes and doing a perfect job. You’d hardly know they’d been there. So the next lesson is how to finish the job with a hump or a hole.
Yes. That one looks like a runner.