Big Brother has come to get me
A short while ago I wrote about the evils of television.
But Television is fighting back.
They obviously thought they could appeal to my vanity and could win me back to their way of thinking if they filmed me.
So they arrived. Truckloads of them. They have already caused three power outages in the area with their arc lights. The road is blocked with vans and lorries and the house is full of people shouting “luvvie” and “that’s a wrap” at each other.
There is chaos. The dog has taken cover in the bedroom. Herself has gone of to the neighbours in a huff, after tripping over several cables. The house is in a mess.
They’ve forgotten about me. I’m sitting here in a corner typing away while some of them huddle around discussing apertures and lighting angles and drinking my weeks supply of tea. The rest are stripping wallpaper off the walls for some reason.
My living room
They must have finally run out of programmes altogether, if they are out here in the wilds filming an unknown old codger tapping away on a laptop. What are they thinking? Is this an unsubtle attempt to win me around? Are they trying to muscle into the Blogging World?
There again, it could be a hoax. The daughter’s bloke has a habit of getting his biker pals to ring me. They tell me that I am live on radio and I am about to win a Carribean Cruise or something if I can answer some silly question. But I’m used to that now and don’t fall for it any more. Maybe they have just gone upmarket a bit to wind me up. But it seems a bit elaborate even for the bikers.
I am completely baffled.
They have already dragged me and the daughter and the dog out into the rain. They made us walk about five miles up and down the lanes and through the woods. And every time I stepped in a puddle or tripped over a branch, they’d shout that they were changing tapes, and could I do it again.
My daughter enjoyed it. Sandy the dog had a ball, and got filthy so now I have to give her a bath. I just got pains in my legs. It has to be some sort of hoax, but it’s a damn good one.
Mind you – if I can swipe the film out of their cameras before they leave, I have a great chance of winning Best Videocast in the Irish Blog Awards next year.
Have you got your speech ready?
Maybe the wanted to see which puddle you had Bertie standing in?
Did you know he was missing?
My speech for the Videocast award? No. I can’t find a slot in my PC to put the tape into.
Is Bertie gone missing? Great news! Please tell me you’re not joking.
Wait a second … 7pm on RTE One …
That’s Nationwide! Dear God! Tell me the guy with the voice that sounds like a cahin-smoking Kermit the Frog wasn’t there!
Now who is going to record it and put it up on youtube so the rest of us can see it?
@Dario – Of course it’s Nationwide. I wouldn’t have anything else! And there weren’t any frogs around.
@Brianf – RTE put most of their programmes on the Internet so it can be viewed off their site.
Holy Crap – I’ve just realised!! I’m going International on the Internet AND I’m going to be beamed into space to the satellite.
So in one evening I’m going to be an International Celebrity AND an astronaut. I always wanted to be an astronaut. I wonder what it’ll feel like?
What show? Ear to the ground?
Congratulations are in order – and don’t worry about going into space: it feels like a cat scan, or so I’ve heard.
CapitalD
Thanks Dario, though I don’t have a clue why they chose me [an example of how not to do it?]. There are a lot better bloggers out there. It was great fun though even if I am knackered after.
Is it true that I have to be broken up into individual atoms that are then pinged off the satellite before reassembly?
‘Tis yeah. It’s all tingly and stuff.
Cool, it’s Capital D. That’s far more tolerable than Nationwide!
I suppose I’ll have to watch it now. Though maybe I won’t – too embarrassing.
In the interests of being a nosy bastard and wanting to see what you look like – I’ll watch it in your stead!
Did you get the black bag with an X on it?
Nah. I asked them to fuzz out my face like they do for criminals. As long as they don’t fuzz out my daughter or the dog [they were more keen to film the dog than me].
I see …
Apologies for my lack of common sense and morality last night in the last comment I left on the Aheron post.
There have been many fundamental shifts in the Sanchez universe of late.
Want me to delete it?
Sure. It wasn’t my place to say anything. Delete it.