It has been announced that the Government is proposing to introduce a test for immigrants to check their knowledge of Irish culture.
In our usual fashion, we at Head Rambles are able to break the latest on this.
At great risk to herself, Herself has managed to obtain some sample questions which we believe will appear on the final questionnaire.
The questions are given below and the answers in hidden form. We ask you not to peek at the answers until you have made a genuine attempt to answer correctly.
In what county is the Ring of Kerry? Kerry
What is Twink’s real name and what is her catchphrase? Adele King. “Zip up your mickey”
Explain the meaning of the following:
Up the pole? Preganant
Two sockets and no plug? Two lesbians
I will in me bollix? I would rather not if that’s all right with you
What is the difference between a duck? One of his legs is both the same
What is Mary Harney:
A picture of health? Are you joking?
Minister for Health? Supposed to be
How much does it cost to get land rezoned? Depends on the Minister or Counsellor to be bribed
Where did the Irish Football Team win the World Cup:
In Germany? No
In Italy? No
In their dreams? Yes
Why is a mouse when he spins? Because the higher he goes the fewer
Where is the best place in Ireland to buy drugs? Just about anywhere
Where in Dublin would you have found, or would find:
The Tart with the Cart? Grafton Street
Bertie’s Hole? Dublin Port Tunnel
The Time in the Slime? Millennium Clock in the Liffey
The Floozie in the Jacuzzi? O’Connell Street
How much does it cost to cross the Ha’penny Bridge ? Nothing
End of questions
In addition to the above, all applicants for entry to Ireland must have read the following classics of Irish literature:
“Ulysses” by James Joyce.
“P.S. I Love You” by Bertie Ahern’s daughter what’s-her-name.
“Peig” by Peig Sayers [in the original Irish, of course].