Crippled leading the lame

Head Rambles Posted on by 12

I may have mentioned in the past that Herself is an invalid.

Please note I said an invalid.  She is still reasonably valid.

A nasty combination of arthritis and a degenerative spine thingy has left her in a ton of pain and almost totally immobilised.  As a result, I have a lot of work to do such as running up and down the stairs [around 20 times a day?] if she wants to move around in the bed or if nature calls.  That’s apart from all the other chores around the gaff.

As you may remember, Daughter is also an invalid having smashed her leg good and proper by falling off a push bike.  Not you’ll notice, a decent scrambler or even an ordinary motorbike.  No, she has to do the spectacular on a fucking ordinary push bike with a fucking basket up front!  Where did I go so wrong?

My time therefore is somewhat preoccupied with running up and down stairs with cups of tea or to fix the television that Herself has mucked up yet again or doing emergency runs to various schools to collect Grandkids.

In other words I really need to be in peak fitness or we are all fucked.

Now all was fine and dandy [apart from being fucking knackered all the time] until the lawn needed mowing.  As I mentioned, the first attempt at that job ended in disaster when the main drive belt broke.  I had a spare belt which was grand and yesterday I decided to fit it.  I know I should probably have left it for a few days, but I just had to know if I could do the job and even if the new belt was the right size.  That’s just the kind of bloke I am – I have to complete a challenge or else I get edgy.

This morning I had to set the alarm as I had to bring Daughter into Skobieville.  As we were driving along I noticed the creeping pain in my back.  It was/is a familiar friend as I have had problems with my back for many years.  Fuck!  I can only presume that lifting a heavy tractor to fit a belt was not the best of ideas after all.

I’m sitting here now trying to take things easy.  I’m not going to mention my predicament to Herself or else she’ll start nagging about how I should have left the mower until another day.  That’s all very well but the deed is done now and nagging won’t have any effect.

I now have to think up an excuse as to why she should not attempt one of her fortnightly forays to the downstairs.

There is no fucking way I could get her back up again.

Elephant on the stairs

Blind leading the sighted

Head Rambles Posted on by 13

I have been steadfastly ignoring the abortion business here in Ireland.

For those who aren’t aware, there is a move to remove a clause in our constitution that gives “equal right to life to the unborn”.  In other words, in a case where there are complications during birth, by law the medical profession has to step back and possibly let mother and baby die because neither has a right over the other.

We have had several referendums on the subject over the years.  It has always turned nasty, generally on the part of the anti-abortion mob.  And they are a mob; a mob of quasi-religious fanatics who scream about murdering babies and talk about life being sooo precious.

Yesterday they hit a new low.  The bishops have come out claiming that allowing abortion will inevitably lead to euthanasia and eugenics.  Talk about a gateway theory!

I have stated in the past that my opinions on abortions are irrelevant.  I am unlikely to become pregnant so I should have no say in the matter.  What women do with their lives is none of my business and I have no right to order them one way or another.  Yet these moralistic holier-than-thou fuckwits who have taken a vow of chastity consider they have a right to preach on the subject?

Regarding euthanasia, I do indeed have an opinion.  If it were a choice between an agonising and inevitable death then I would not only be happy to be put out of my misery but I would consider it inhumane and morally wrong to be expected to suffer.  I have put dogs to sleep in the past.  It is amongst the most difficult tasks I have ever undertaken because I loved those dogs.  It was because of that love that I took the final drastic step.  Those dogs were in pain with no hope of recovery and it would have been an act of utter cruelty to insist that they suffer for no other reason than selfishness or some pseudo morality.

It is worth noting that in Europe only two countries don’t allow abortions – Ireland and Malta.  Yet Europe isn’t exactly awash with genetically perfect kids, and the only people who want their life to be ended are those with a damn good reason.

I assume these bishops somehow think their god will somehow look kindly on Ireland for not allowing abortion.

I take it that those thousands of women who are forced into making the journey to a more liberal country just don’t count?

The death of me

Head Rambles Posted on by 9

I decided to take the proverbial bull by the proverbial horns yesterday.

It was time to cut the grass.

The latter had reached the stage where it was a bit embarrassing.  Cat was finding great difficulty navigating and had to make great leaps in the air just to orientate herself and Penny was refusing to crap on it and was reverting to dumping on the front gravel again.

Anyhows I topped up the petrol and oil tanks and wheeled the tractor out of its garage.  I had charged the battery fully so having kicked the tyres I sat in and started it up.  It fired all right after a good bit of grinding so off I trundled onto the front lawn.

Having arrived on the lawn I lowered the blades and engaged the clutch to spin up said blades.  Nothing happened.  Fuck!

I knew what had happened as it has done this before – the drive belt had slipped off the pulley.  Bugger!  It is a right pain in the hole to get the belt back on as first of all I have to access it.  The only way to do this is to sit the tractor up on its arse so it is pointing vertically.  I can then access the underneath which gives a certain amount of access.  So I fought with the belt trying to get it around three pulleys.  Why does it come off so easily when it’s so fucking hard to get back on again?  I managed in the end and righted the mower.

One of the little problems with upending the mower is that the crankcase oil leaks a bit and ends up dribbling all over the exhaust pipe.  So when I start the engine again that oil burns off and I disappear in a massive cloud of stinking blue smoke.  I bet that’s carcinogenic!

Anyways I cut the front lawn.

I had to disengage the blades again to get to the next lawn as it involves driving over gravel and I don’t want to pepper the whole parish with little stones.  It’s not good for the blades either.

Having arrived on the back lawn I engaged the blades again.  Nothing.  FUCK!!  The fucking belt had come off again.

So I repeated the whole process of getting the tractor to sit up and beg.  This time the belt flatly refused to get into place.  I would get it over one pulley and it would promptly slip off the other two.  I fought with it for about half an hour and eventually got it in place.  I set off in another thick cloud of blue oily smoke to mow the grass with a determination not to disengage the blades until I had finished.

I completed one lap of the acreage with great difficulty as the long grass kept jamming the blades, and I had to keep reversing and jiggling the blade height until the wads of soggy grass were dislodged.

I had started the second lap when the blades stopped spinning.  The clutch was engaged so I assumed the belt had dropped off again.  But it hadn’t.  I realised this when clouds of blue smoke emanated from under the machine and there was a stink of burning rubber.  DAMN, BLAST, BOTHER, KNICKERS AND SPIT!!!!!

I upended the tractor again and my worst fears were confirmed – the blades had jammed and the friction had rightly fucked the drive belt.  It was in tatters, and by this time so was I.  I drove it back to the garage and left it.

I sat down to rest and realised I was in a lot of pain, mostly in my chest and arms.  Either I had had a heart attack or I had pulled some muscles.  There was the option of phoning for an ambulance but the changes of a long life are drastically reduced by entering our so called health system so I decided that pulled muscles would give me a better chance of survival.

Most of the pain has eased after a good night’s sleep and it’s mainly my back that’s hurting now.

Replacing the belt can wait for another time.

Assuming I’m still alive, that is.