Let us be tankful

Head Rambles Posted on by 3

It’s nearly the end of the month.

This is the time when I try and remember any outstanding bills that may need paying. The likes of the Mastercard have a nasty habit of penalising me if I forget and it is strictly against my religion to pay the banks any more than I have to.

So I paid off my Mastercard [€30 tax – fuck the gubmint!] and remembered that I had an outstanding bill for refuse collection. The refuse mob used to text me reminding me of bills and also they used to text me each week to remind me what bins to put out. They discontinued the texting as they had their new “app” which is fuck all use as it doesn’t remind me of anything unless I remember to open it. There is a little flaw in their logic there?

Then I remembered we were low on heating oil. The little nozzle symbol on the gauge has been flashing for weeks now which means the tank is almost empty. So it was time I put in an order for some oil. I get annoyed when my nozzle flashes.

I went into the web site to order and just out of idle curiosity I checked previous orders. I had had a delivery last January and it cost a shade under €600. So I gritted my teeth and placed the order. A shade over €350! I’m impressed. If only I had a second tank…

I had heard that the price of oil had dropped a bit because of the Virus and the lack of demand.

Maybe we should have more pandemics?

The Cure for Covid

Head Rambles Posted on by 10

It’s as predictable as the sunrise.

No sooner do they introduce new regulations across the Irish Sea in their “war on obesity” than our lot start screaming for the same, only harsher.

The Irish Heart Foundation (IHF) said the government should follow the UK’s lead “through tough new action to tackle obesity that has been made more urgent than ever by evidence of a link to increased risk from Covid-19″.

Of course they have to bring the Virus into it. Having tried to scare the shite out of us all with their doom and gloom over the past few months they are now going further by trying to scare any remaining shite out of the overweight. Lose a few pounds they say, or you will die a horrible death.

Under new UK plans, restaurants will have to display calories on menus, ‘buy one get one free’ deals on unhealthy items are banned and TV ads for junk food are not permitted to air before 9pm.

So here we have advertising bans, the equivalent of health warnings and restrictions on what can be sold. They seem to have missed the plain packs bit, but that’s only a matter of time. We all know the Tobacco Template.

The IHF said the Irish government “should now look at going even further” than this through actions like mandatory reformulation of unhealthy food and drinks and extending the sugar tax on drinks to include confectionery goods.

Oh sweet fuck! As if they didn’t tax us enough.

And how the fuck are they supposed to introduce “mandatory reformulation of unhealthy food and drinks”? What does that even mean? Who decides what is unhealthy? I suppose that given free reign, they’d probably ban everything except tofu and cashew nuts. I have never heard of anything more insane.

By their own claims, 23% of adults are obese. Not overweight, you notice, but obese. This would mean that they are happy with the 77% who aren’t but those 77% are going to have to suffer the same penalties such as higher prices and tasteless crap for food.

Incidentally I don’t know where that quarter of the population lives but it’s not around here. Maybe they are all confined to Leitrim?

“The more successful we are in limiting the impact of the virus the quicker we will be able to return to some sort of normality, so the case for decisive action on obesity has never been more compelling,” the IHF’s head of advocacy, Chris Macey, said in a statement.

So there you have it. All we have to do is lose a few pounds [whether we need to or not] and the pandemic will be over.

Who thought it could be so easy?

Another one bites the dust

Head Rambles Posted on by 16

It was a quiet evening last night.

Herself was in bed watching a film. I was in the uncomfortable chair in her room half watching the same film. There is only one television in there so I am stuck with Herself’s viewing choice.

Cat came sauntering in. He jumped up on the bed, did the usual kneading of the bedclothes with his hole planted firmly in Herself’s face, and then stretched out to his full length on the bed, purring happily.

Penny then wandered in. She sniffed the cat, and the cat reciprocated by sniffing her in return. Penny then curled up on the floor under my chair, with a sigh of satisfaction.

It was a scene of domestic bliss.

Then Cat made a noise. At first I thought he was about to attack Penny – it was a sort of growl that I hadn’t heard before. He looked a bit strange too – a sort of wide-eyed look. I got up, went over and checked him.

Cat had departed this world and fucked off to cat heaven. Just like that. No advance warning or anything like that. I suppose it was fairly typical of him. He never asked permission to do anything and just went his own way with no apologies.

He was only with us for a few short years but they were really happy years. He ruled the entire neighbourhood and woe betide anyone who challenged him. He ruled the Manor too. He appropriated the entire Old House, with his own balcony where he slept and a dayroom with two beds. He grudgingly gave me permission to use my own bedroom. I seemed to spent my days letting him in or out or feeding him. He was a demanding little fucker.

I miss him already.

Cat Malone
Cat [Malone] R.I.P.

Home sweet home

Head Rambles Posted on by 7

Well that’s another little dream dashed to pieces on the rocks.

I made enquiries about a visit to West Cork for a holiday but it looks like that is out. Apparently the place is inundated with the Great Unwashed. The streets are knee deep in litter and drunks. All the Dubs, Brits and Yanks got there before me so if you want to catch The Plague it would possibly be a good place to hang out. You’ll need a tent though as I hear there is no accommodation to be had.

To make things easier, the people who clean the houses after guests leave insist on waiting a couple of days before entering and then take another couple of days to clean the place thoroughly. So half the properties down there are lying idle while they wait for the Virus to expire. They haven’t had any cases down there and seemingly are terrified that that’s about to change.

Our gubmint have introduced a scheme to encourage us to holiday in Ireland. Apparently if we spend over €600 [I think] on a holiday – excluding booze – then we get a tax relief. As usual their apparent largess is a load of crap. They overlook the fact that someone like myself doesn’t pay income tax any more so I can’t get relief on it. Now that they have a seven billion handout from Europe they are throwing cash around like confetti but of course none of it lands on my head.

So it looks like it’s yet another Summer at the Manor, watching the weeds grow.

Who needs holidays anyway?

Covid Madness

Head Rambles Posted on by 5

I was down in the village yesterday.

There were quite a few people around but I still managed to grab myself a table at the coffee shop. So after Penny had her obligatory feed of chicken pieces I relaxed and enjoyed a mug of coffee and a pipe-full while enaging in my favourite pastime of people-watching.

One thing that struck me was the complete lack of those face-nappies. In fact I only saw one on the face of one of the staff in the coffee shop. But then she’s a new addition which may explain things.

Now as far as I am aware, there is a new regulation in effect from last Monday. It is now obligatory [or is it mandatory?] to wear a face-nappy on entering any business establishment. I had been told that I would have to wear a nappy on entering the coffee shop premises but could remove it once I reached a table a couple of feet away. Such madness. Hah! I was delighted to see a total disregard for that piece of nonsensical shite.

In other news, the gubmint has issued a list of countries that are safe to visit. Mind you, we are still told not to travel abroad at all at all but if we really have to go then we can choose from the list.

So I am now trawling the Web looking for a holiday booking. I sort of fancied a trip to Monaco, but there is no way of getting here except via Spain, and the latter is verboten. So I have to pick an alternative location.

I sort of fancy the idea of sitting on a beach basking in the September sun in Greenland?