Just pinging in the rain

Head Rambles Posted on by 9

I finally got my security system to work.

It had been very intermittent and I got a bit pissed off with it. It kept disconnecting itself which sort of defeated the whole purpose of it. I can hardly stick a notice on my gate – “Please do not burgle unless the camera is active”?

I started playing around with installing another wifi network in the garage and the damn thing worked, despite failing on all my previous attempts. Why something doesn’t work and then suddenly works for no apparent reason is beyond me. I think it was just testing my patience.

Every time there is an “event” my phone pings and the system starts recording. Great? Not so great…..

The first drawback is very minor. There is a time lag of a few seconds on the system, so by the time it has alerted me that someone is coming, they are already at the back door. Disconcerting but trivial.

The second drawback is not so trivial. Just take a peek at the timeline for the last 24 hours –

Each orange line is an event. The two on the left show myself going to and coming back from the shops. The next two are Daughter arriving and then departing an hour later at a quarter to nine. Then at nine thirty all hell breaks loose and the fucking thing goes into a frenzy with a couple of hundred alerts. I have to switch my phone off or the fucking pinging would keep me awake all night.

So am I being burgled constantly from half nine to around five in the morning? Am I holding an all night rave in the garden? No. It’s fucking rain. I assume that it just takes a couple of large raindrops to reflect the infra-red which of course triggers the floodlights. Each following raindrop is now floodlit so there is now constant motion in the front garden [so far as the camera is concerned].

It actually acts as quite a neat rainfall recorder?

Nuts

Head Rambles Posted on by 22

Wonderful!

Now the IPCC are demanding that we all change our diets.

This is the widely discredited gang of mendacious number fiddlers which didn’t have the decency to disband themselves, and now they are trying to dictate what I eat? They are supposed to be “climate experts” [hah!] but now reckon I should be eating fucking nuts?

Where is this going to end? In a way, it started with the Anti-Smoker mob. Once it was discovered that it was possible to bully people into some kind of government sanctioned lifestyle then there was a rush to climb onto that gravy train. So now we have people demanding how we eat, drink and generally how we live our lives, and the IPCC are just getting in on the act.

Naturally the green tree huggers are first into the battle, shortly joined by the vegetarians and vegans. How soon before they start demanding taxes on meat? Naturally the “evidence is overwhelming” that a simple fry-up is going to cause global catastrophe. It’s all my fault [as usual].

I’m not particularly fond of nuts. I tend to be environmentally friendly and leave them for the squirrels. Salads are okay occasionally but basically they are rabbit food. As for grain – provided it is distilled into a fine whiskey or beer then I have no problems with that.

As for missing out on a fine minute steak or a plat full of rashers, sausages, black pudding and a couple of eggs, well they can just go and fuck themselves. I have no intentions of changing my diet for anyone. I shall continue to consume animals of various breeds and fuck the planet. Any environmentalist may just take comfort in the fact that most of my diet is indeed grain or nuts, just processed by Mother Nature’s animals into a fine bowl of mince, or whatever.

Fucking arseholes!

The Final Solution

Head Rambles Posted on by 5

Our Great Gubmint has gotten itself into a bit of a quandary.

Great sums are being spent on forcing us to give up smoking, to force us to drink less and even to force us to eat less. This is all in the name of Health with the ultimate goal of making us all live longer.

There is however a flaw in the plan. Making us all live longer has a totally unforeseen side effect that no one could have predicted – if we live longer, then we grow old.

Ageing population to put strain on pensions and health system, Government warns

Of course one solution would be to make everyone very healthy, work hard to make taxes for the gubmint and then for everyone to be marched into the gas chambers on reaching the age of sixty five. I am quite sure they have considered this but they probably realise that it may not be so Politically Correct and have probably shelved the idea for a generation or two.

There is an alternative which they may not have considered.

I would suggest that they remove all taxes on alcohol, tobacco and food. Smoking should not only be compulsory but should be subsidised in order to get us all to smoke as much as possible. We can all become obese alcoholics and chain smokers.

Everyone will die young.

Just think of it – everyone will pay into their pension funds and pay taxes but then will die at least ten years younger. No more pensions to pay out, and all those lovely pension funds can be used for vanity projects and lavish lifestyles for our Lords and Masters.

Being a true patriot, I am going to do my best. I promise to smoke more, double my whiskey quota for the night and shall have at least six Mars bars a day.

I will probably die fifteen years ago.

But I know my duty.

Smith and Thell

Head Rambles Posted on by 4

Has anyone ever heard of Smith and Thell?

I hadn’t until yesterday.

Herself had the radio on and I caught a few seconds of a song. I really liked the guitar backing so listened for the artist at the end. As is normal these days, the announcer’s diction wasn’t the best so I had to do searches for “Smith and Smell”, “Sniff and Tell” and various other variations.

I eventually found them and found the track that had been played [along with a few extra tracks].

I like them, which is more than can be said for most modern “artists”.

A Significant Day

Head Rambles Posted on by 8

Today is a “significant day” for Irish society.

Or so our illustrious Minister for Health Simon “it will be fixed next month” Harris tells us.

People caught for the first time with drugs for their own use will be dispatched forthwith to the HSE for treatment.

Oh dear. What the fuck have they done to deserve that? The endless waiting, sitting on hard seats with only watery “coffee” in the dispensing machines only to be lectured and hectored by some underling? I think I would prefer a few weeks in The Joy. There is far less chance of coming out with some life threatening disease. Incidentally, the HSE just doesn’t have the resources for this so the would-be addict will just end up back on the streets again while he [or she] waits a few years for an appointment.

I presume they are working on the misguided belief that some kid who has been shooting up for years will have some kind of Damascus Revelation and will walk out swearing never to touch the stuff again. Fat chance of that. He’ll be straight off to shoot up again, and fair play to him.

Equally suppose I am caught with a few spliffs in my pocket? Do I get the same lectures on the evils of dope, despite that fact that I would probably be twice the age of the lecturer? Equally I would be straight out to light up a toke just to settle my nerves, and would probably do so on the hospital grounds just to piss them off.

I’m all for them telling us that this is bad for us and the other is bad for us and everything else is bad for us if it makes them happy. Frankly it would make me a lot happier too if they just left it at that. Tell us that smoking is bad and alcohol is bad and drugs are bad and being fat is bad and being unhealthy is bad, but for fuck’s sake leave us to make up our own minds after that.

Just stop criminalising things and “shaming” people or passing laws that may “help” a tiny minority but just discriminate against the rest of us.

Just leave us alone.