Eons ago, possibly before time was invented, there used to be a great bash here in Ireland.
I refer of curse to the Blog Awards.
Back then we were fewer in number but you know what they say about quality and quantity. Modesty prevents me from mentioning that I picked up a few awards in those years, but the event itself was worth attending for the sheer craic and of course the pints. We got to meet the faces behind the names and swap stories. It was fun.
Then the whole scene seemed to be taken over by the pink and fluffy brigade. “Blogs” started appearing out of nowhere and they all seemed to have a very common set of themes – fashion, make-up, lifestyle, cookery, beauty and in fact anything that would impress a Millennial with barely two braincells to rub together. The awards organisers even dropped the old categories of “Humour” and “Personal”. Lately the whole thing has been sponsored by Littlewoods and their fashion range which speaks volumes.
I have been studiously avoiding the blog awards for years now. I have stopped even mentioning them in case some smart arse entered my efforts behind my back, not that they would be able to find a category to stick me in.
I was somewhat surprised therefore to receive a mail this morning.
Head Rambles Blog in Feedspot Top 50 Grandparent Blogs
They even sent me a wee badge to confirm the fact.
I had a look at the site and some of their categories are somewhat “interesting”.
- Top 15 Spoon Carving Blogs & Websites For Spoon Carvers
- Top 100 Miami Blogs and Websites on the Web
- Top 75 Witchcraft Blogs and Websites for Witches
- Top 50 Geocaching Blogs and Websites For Geocachers
It sure beats the hell out of Beauty, Fashion and Make-up?
Herself used to complain that I swear too much.
Then she started objecting to the use of “cunt” in particular.
Things have eased back somewhat and she is far more likely to scream at someone on the television and call them a cunt than I am. In fact I am proud to say that her swearing abilities are far more eloquent and plentiful than mine.
Anyhows, this got me thinking yesterday. I thought it might be a nice little project to count occurrences of various words in my posts over time.
In the early days, when I was far too restrained, I used to use f*ck, until I realised how hypocritical that was. Everyone who sees “f*ck” knows exactly what it means yet somehow the use of an asterisk is supposed to make the word more acceptable? So I decided to be honest and drop the asterisk.
I hoped the project would be a little bit more complicated so I could challenge the old brain somewhat. To my disgust it only took a few minutes. So I modified it to produce a graph instead of just numbers.
Click to embiggen
Now the tiny orange bit on the left is f*ck, and you can see how quickly I dropped it.
Yellow is the derided cunt. Not quite overwhelming, is it?
And the blue is fuck and all it’s associated words such as fucking, fucks, fucker and the rest.
By my reckoning, I am taming down somewhat? Maybe it’s old age or maybe a resignation that the world is so totally insane that there is no point in getting worked up over it.
My final tally:
Nothing to be ashamed of there?
Researchers have finally discovered the truth.
We have know for years that smoking causes all the cancers known to man, along with just about every other ailment. Likewise obesity causes much the same diseases and premature deaths. If you eat, smoke or drink you are already dead before you started.
What they hadn’t discovered [up until now] was what caused smoking and obesity. Find that common root cause and at one fell swoop they can cure everything. It would be what Albert Einstein would term The Unifying Theory. It’s the Holy Grail of Public Health.
Well, they have discovered the cause.
Yes folks, us wrinklies apparently have a lot to answer for. Even as I write this I can bet there are plans afoot to cull all grandparents, not for the sake of the cheeeldren but for the sake of the grandcheeeldren. What’s the betting that they are already building the gas chambers? Once the first grandchild is born and the oldies become grandparents for the first time, off they are whisked in the cattle trains never to be seen again.
They’re right, of course. They’re wrong about the second hand smoke though. I would never give the grandkids second hand anything so I have introduced them to the delights of first hand. Eldest grandaughter is already on 20 a day and I am slowly training youngest grandson on the art of packing and lighting a pipe. Youngest granddaughter always gets a little “bonus” in her mug when she asks for juice and she loves it. A three year old pissed out of her skull is quite an amusing sight. You should all try it sometime.
Naturally we stuff them full of sweets as we can’t let an old cliché down, can we? Apart from anything else it gets them beautifully buzzed up for when their parents collect them. They enjoy their sweets, bless ’em, but then life isn’t about enjoyment, is it? And if we overdo the sweets and the kids become a little noisy I fuck them out into the garden to do twenty laps of the estate. Needless to say we don’t bother with “sun protection” as they are only out there for a couple of hours. The researchers missed that one.
I am thrilled that my contributions to future generations are at long last being recognised.
H/T Longrider who pointed me in the right direction.