Making a clean breast

Campaigners celebrate end of The Sun’s page 3 girls


Campaigners are the bane of modern society.

They pick on some fucking "cause" and won't rest until they have either banned it or regulated it in some way.  And when they have reached their puritanical goal they just move on to the next "cause".

As for the Page 3 girls, I couldn't give a shit.

A lot of them are here.

Or if you fancy a virtually endless supply you can find them here.

Or maybe you prefer a little movement [which is more than the Sun could ever boast]?


Never bought a Sun in my life.

I have no time for pictures or films.

I prefer the real thing.

What a gay day

I was browsing through the RTE News web site when I came across this –

Varadkar anounces he is gay on radio

That's nice, I thought.  I'm happy for him.  I have done a few radio interviews in my time and I often felt happy during them, and once felt positively dizzy though I didn't announce the fact.  Maybe it's something to do with the microphones?

Anyhows, not long after that I realised that something was up [as the bishop said to the actress].  Suddenly all the papers were shouting banner headlines about Varadkar's interview.  It dawned on me that maybe Varadkar's mini-euphoria lasted a bit longer that just an interview and that in fact he did indeed prefer to kick with the left foot?

So fucking what?

Personally I couldn't give a flying shite if Varadkar is gay.  I couldn't care less if he is a eunuch, a transvestite or a gorilla in a costume provided he does his job.  That fact that he doesn't is of much greater concern to me, and I'm sure to the hundreds of people sleeping on trolleys in our hospitals.

Later in the day I came across this –

Twitter - Varadkar trending

What the blind fuck is that all about?

They are all on apparently congratulating him and saying is is so "brave" and "inspirational" [a word that seems to be unnaturally popular with the Twitter generation].  Can someone please tell me what is so fucking inspirational about a bloke saying he prefers men to women?  Does it inspire people to change allegiances?  It certainly inspires me to smash their faces.  So Varadkar has joined the likes of fluffy kittens and videos of women trying to park cars so beloved of the Twitter generation?  I suppose there is a certain bravery in that all right.

I have nothing whatsoever against homosexuals apart from their hijacking the word "gay".  I know a few [I worked in RTE for nearly forty years and God knows there are enough of them in there] and in the main they are no different from anyone else.  Actually, I'll qualify that – there is a sector I call the Screaming Queens, epitomised by that twat Graham Norton that I would definitely avoid – what you might call professional homosexuals.

That thought has crossed my mind.  What would have happened if during one of my radio interviews I had suddenly announced that I like women?  Would there have been a whisper, a murmur or a Tweet?  Of course there wouldn't.

I call that discrimination.


The benefits of Nicotine

It is a known medical fact that all diseases are "smoking related".

Everything from Athlete's Foot through to Yellow Fever is on the list and it makes life a lot easier for the Anti Nazis.  If your death is non-accidental then it has to have been a smoking related disease which is all good for business and even better for propaganda.  Even if you have never smoked but die from Bubonic Plague then you must have been in contact with cigarette smoke at some stage in your life [two seconds is enough, as we all know there is no safe level yada yada yada].

I recently was doing a little research into Parkinson's Disease.  Naturally I expected smoking to be listed under the causes but it wasn't.  Something strange going on?

I checked through some of the more reliable sources including the Mayo Clinic, WebMD and our own glorious HSE [which I won’t bother linking to as all they have is fucking blank pages!] and not one of them mentioned smoking.  I thought I was getting close when they mentioned Environmental Factors, but still no mention of the Evil Weed.

I did a little more research and pages started to pop up.

The NCBI threw up an interesting little nugget or two –

Both retrospective and prospective epidemiological studies have consistently demonstrated an inverse association between cigarette smoking and PD, leading to theories that smoking in general and nicotine in particular might be neuroprotective.

Then, from MedScape we get the following –

The risk of Parkinson's disease is reduced by cigarette smoking, which raises some unanswered questions.

And from Haaretz

Israeli scientists have identified the genetic mechanism that protects cigarette smokers from Parkinson's disease, which could ultimately lead scientists closer to a treatment for the degenerative disorder.

So here we have a possible [probable] major benefit to be found in Nicotine, but is any further research being done? 

Of course the problem here is that the Anti-Smoker brigade have campaigned tirelessly against Big Tobacco and one of their base mantras is that everything that comes from tobacco is the epitome of evil.  It is inconceivable that tobacco or Nicotine could have any benefits whatsoever, and anyone who suggests otherwise is in the pay of the Devil himself.

Non-smokers should be particularly worried about this.  Not only are they at a much higher risk of lung cancer [the medical attitude seems to be that if you don’t smoke there is no need to check the lungs] but there is a big potential out there for medical intervention in Parkinson's Disease, and presumably also for such lovelies as Alzheimer's.

So if you're a non-smoker and lung cancer gets you, or if you come down with Parkinson's, just give the Tobacco Control Industry a passing thought.

Damn sure they don't care about you.

Of time and tide

2014 the hottest year on record, say US government scientists


The headline says it all – the hottest year on record.

Out of 4,500,000,000 years, they have been measuring climate for a mere 135 years, or 0.000003%.

Imagine if you will a young man who has never seen the sea before.  He has a fascination with measurements and graphs but knows nothing about geography, astronomy or geophysics.

On his first encounter with the sea, he is fascinated with the waves and starts measuring them.  To his surprise the graph first shows a slight decline but then starts to rise, and alarmingly seems to indicate that the water levels are rising at such a rate that in a matter of months or even weeks the entire land is going to be inundated.  He rushes back to his village with his alarming news and the village elders declare that the cause is down to the villagers throwing their rubbish into the sea.

Tide Graph

Indeed his graph does seem to indicate a cause for alarm.  An inexorable rise in sea levels does seem to indicate a danger.

Of course we know that if our young man waited a bit longer he would have discovered the phenomenon of tides.  Just another couple of hours and the levels would have receded again.  We know that the tides are caused by the gravitational pull between the Earth and Moon and that dumping rubbish in the sea would cause nothing more than a theoretical rise in sea levels that is too small to ever measure.

We know better.

Don't we?

Hoping to wet myself

I had a lovely little booklet shoved through my letterbox the other day.

Irish Water Booklet

Now I'm not quite sure as to the purpose of this booklet.  By the cheery title it looks like I am supposed to organise a massive party to celebrate the impending arrival.  That "coming soon" has a breathless air of anticipation about it and strongly implies that I should cancel any further plans in case I miss the wonderful event.  And the use of "Your" is no doubt meant to make me feel all inclusive and cuddly.  My meter?  Wow!

I haven't read the booklet, but did give it a cursory skim-through.  It's the usual guff about how this is going to save gazillions of gallons of water which is a little strange as 99% of the wastage is in the distribution system and I can't see how a little meter outside my gaff is going to solve that [unless of course it is sneakily going to be measuring the primary supply main to Dublin?]. 

I presume they will knock on my door when the Great Day arrives?  They warn me that my water will have to be switched off during the installation and that I might like to switch off my central heating too.

I shall not be waiting with baited breath.  If they come, they come but it's no skin off my nose.  I'll tell them they can do whatever the fuck they like out on the lane as it has nothing to do with me, but will inform them clearly and succinctly that they are not allowed inside my gate.  Any trespass will be dealt with in the appropriate manner which may or may not but most likely will entail the involvement of ambulances or even undertakers.

They can fuck around all they like out on the lane, because the little pot they installed to house the meter is nowhere near my water supply.  I'm fairly sure I know where the supply pipe is but I am damn sure they haven't a clue as they have missed it by a mile.

It will actually be quite interesting when they install their little meter and switch on their water to test it.  All they will do is irrigate a clump of brambles beside my gate, because that's where I stuck the end of their little pipe [exactly two years ago, as it happens].

On second thoughts, I think I will cancel appointments and wait for them to come.

It would be worth it for the laugh.