It will not work

Posted on by
13

What the hell is this obsession with plain packs on cigarettes?

There are two items in today's news – one that the tobacco companies are going to demand compensation here and the other that the UK is off on the bandwagon again.

Australia are a year of plain packs and so far the only results have been that more smokers may have actually thought about quitting but in fact haven't, and that there has been a massive boom in smuggled and forged cigarettes.  [Chris Snowdon has an interesting take on the "compelling evidence" from the Antipodes]

Logic alone will tell that this is a nonsensical move.  Where are the kids supposed to be seeing these "glitzy" packs that the Antis want to ban?  They don't see them advertised because all advertising is banned.  They can't see them in the shops because it's illegal even to give a glimpse of any kind of tobacco display.  The only place they can possibly see a pack is in the street by which time presumably they have already purchased them?

The hysterical screeches from across the water show the level of self delusion that's at play here -

“The evidence to support standardised packaging is clear. The consensus is overwhelming. We don’t need any further delay while 570 children are lighting up for the first time every day.”

Apart from the evidence being non-existent and there being a consensus only amongst the Control Fascists, why the hell can't they just apply the law as it stands, and has stood for many years – no sales to under 18s? 

“This decision is a victory for public health, for common sense and for future generations who will as a result be protected from glitzy, colourful and misleading tobacco packaging."

So "protecting kids from glitzy packaging is somehow going to succeed where every single other measure has failed abysmally?

Plain packs will have a huge impact on the market all right.  Smugglers and counterfeiters will make a fortune.  Manufacturers of covers and cigarette cases will do very well.  Tobacco retailers will find their work cut out double checking all sales.   Governments will lose out massively on revenue from tax and excise, and smokers will carry on as normal.

I can't help but wonder what insane scheme the Fascists will dream up next.

 

The difference between a man and a woman

Posted on by
20

Ask a man what kind of car he has…..

"One of the new Qabby X Series, 1.6 turbo charged diesel, six gears, sun roof, alloy wheels, integrated GPS and reversing camera, auto-steering headlight adjustment, spoilers, six speaker surround sound system blah blah blah"

Ask a woman what kind of car she has….

"Red"

The dawn of a New Spring

Posted on by
13

My whole world has collapsed.

I am bereft and distraught.

I am in mourning.

It all started nearly four years ago.

There I was sitting in my favourite armchair when there was a sort of thunk noise, and I slid slowly southwards.  A fucking spring had broken.

At the time, I decided to fix it, and though I say so myself, I did a fucking good job.  After all, my repair lasted nearly four years?

Ever since then life has been normal, except that maybe I tended to lower myself into my seat with a touch of caution and trepidation.

A couple of weeks ago, there was another thunk, and my left buttock slid suddenly down by about an inch.  Bugger!  It meant sitting with a slight list but I got used to it, over the next few days.. Within another week there was yet another thunk and while a third spring had obviously gone, at least I was on an even keel again.

I made a decision.  It was time for hospital.  Herself tried to talk me into buying a new chair but I couldn't bring myself to condemn an old friend to death.  So it was carted off by ambulance yesterday.

They are operation around now.  They said they would phone me if the worst came to the worst, but my chair is strong.  I know it will pull through.

It's the waiting that's the hardest.

American euphamisms

Posted on by
39

There was a film on television the other night.

Now I don't know what the film was about, who was in it or even what it was called.  It was American and the flickering images on the screen keep Herself calm, so I let it run,

What struck me though was one tiny phrase that was used – "working his butt off" – and that got me thinking.

As I remember, this was a film that was rated for children so obviously "butt" is perfectly acceptable?  But that got me wondering.  Suppose they used the word "arse"?  "Working his arse off" means exactly the same thing, with the mere substitution of one word for another  but would it be acceptable to delicate little ears?  I somehow doubt it.  It probably would have had an X rating and severe, somber warnings at the outset about the impending use of foul language.

To me, it falls into the category of politically correct hypocrisy.  By the same token I can write "fuck" or I can write "f*ck".  Both are identical in every minute detail for they are the same word but with a vowel omitted with the obvious implied substitution.  Somehow [in some circles] one is acceptable but the other isn't.  The only excuse I can think of for this hypocritical asterisk is to get around word filters, yet somehow people feel they aren't using a "bad word" if they bung in an asterisk or two.  Very weird.

And while I am on the subject of American semantics, can someone please tell me the origin of the expression "rest room"?  It is one of the weirdest of all euphemisms?  Has anyone ever gone into the jax for a rest?  Do these toilets have chaise longues or beds or even armchairs?  If they called it the relief room, I could understand it, but a rest room?  It makes no sense whatsoever.

So the next time you are about to announce that you are going to the rest room, be honest.

Just announce you are going for a shit.

 

Charity begins at home

Posted on by
10

I like to think I do my bit for charities.

I don't have much, but in the grand scheme of things I have more than some so it's only right that I should do my little bit.

My problem is though that the number of charities I can contribute to are becoming few and far between.

Take for example the cancer charities.  I always supported them on their collection days as I thought it was a good cause.

Now I'll cross the street to avoid the temptation of telling the collectors to fuck off with their collections.

You see, I discovered that these charities that were collecting cash "for vital research" were in fact funding the fat salaries of the likes of ASH [the anti-smoker crowd, not the animal rescue centre].  If they can afford to do that then they don't need my donations.  And why the blue fuck should I contribute to the salaries of someone who campaigns against me and my lifestyle, and who is trying his utmost to "denormalise" me?

Then there are the children's hospitals.  I recently donated a relatively large sum [relative to my income, that is] to one of the children's hospitals here in Ireland.  Now I discover that that same hospital is "topping up" its chief's already fat salary by an amount that far exceeds my total pension.  They say that the "top up" does not come out of donations but comes from their own commercial interests within the hospital, such as the sweet shop but that is just a load of accounting bollox.  As far as I am concerned, if the hospital is so desperate for cash then they can use the profits from their shop to do something useful.

Every now and then there is a tragedy that hits the news.  An earthquake here, a hurricane there or a drought somewhere else, Immediately the charities spring into action with appalling [and probably stock] photographs of the "poor suffering children".  Am I going to donate to one of those charities only to discover that for every €100 donated, maybe 50 cents gets through to the victims after they have extracted necessary "overheads" such as massive salaries?  They can fuck off.  I'm not taking that chance.

So I am confining myself now to charities that I know and trust There are a few here in Ireland that I know do incredibly hard work on very tight budgets and I like to help 'em out whenever I can.

And there is always ASH.

The real ASH where every cent is welcome and vitally needed.

Not the other ASH who just take fat salaries to lobby the government.

They can go fuck themselves.