Talking dirty

Our beloved leader, Dame Enda wants us to have a “National Debate” about pornography.

I’m not quite sure what he means by this, as he doesn’t elaborate on what he means by a National Debate.  As is his usual modus operandi he turns up wherever there is a camera and then fucks off into obscurity again.

So I presume we all have to talk about sex wherever we go?  How do we go about this?  Do we just go around swapping our favourite porn sites and holding debates on which is the best one?

The Puritans will have us believe that the Interweb is awash with porn.  Now I spend a certain amount of time browsing around and I can’t say I have noticed this phenomenon.  If I search for it, it’s easy enough to find, but they would have us believe that every website we browse is going to suddenly flash up an image of a couple [or more] screwing their brains out.  I have an ad-blocker on my browser and I have also blocked those really fucking irritating pop-up windows, so maybe I am missing out on something?  Does the Irish Times show shenanigans at the crossroads?  Does the Vatican site have pop ups of nuns and bishops doing what nature intended? 

I honestly don’t see much point in porn in the first place.  Watching a couple grinding away is like trying to satiate a hunger by watching a cookery programme.  In fact a cookery programme would be more interesting as there is a huge range of ingredients, whereas the human anatomy is much the same the world over.  To put this into perspective, I never watch cookery programmes either – I find them utterly boring and pointless.  Cookery isn’t a spectator sport – it’s more taste, odour and sensation [a bit like sex?] so watching it is just tedious.  It’s just like watching snooker on a black and white television.

I have a feeling there is more to this pronouncement of Dame Enda’s than meets the eye.  Is his conscience nagging him and is he taking it out on the nation?  Is he hiding a guilty secret?  Does he imagine we are all hooked on porn just because he is?  It would explain his pale pallor and the fact the he always looks and sounds knackered.

I often wondered where he was and what he was doing whenever there wasn’t a photo opportunity.  Could it be that he spends his days in a back room of the Dáil with a laptop and an industrial sized box of Kleenex tissues?  It would explain a lot.

It also explains why they all call him The Wanker.

 

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Comments

Talking dirty — 10 Comments

  1. Oh, I think I can see where this is going.

    Porn is a handy little thin end of the censorship wedge, and once the ‘National Debate’ (which of course will be conducted in an echo chamber) has decided that everybody agrees that access to porn on the internet should be severely restricted under the auspices of the benevolent state, then the state sponsored do-gooders will move on to the next stage, all the while exclaiming “Slippery slope? Of course there’s no slippery slope! All we want is to protect the cheeldren from the evils of pornography!”

    You know as well as I how it works, GD. Once they manage to get to that first notch in the ratchet, then there is no satisfying them, ever.

  2. I actually think that most porn sites have higher integrity – or at least better internet-protocol standards – than most others.  Never, in all my time using t’Internet have I had anything remotely pornographic appear unbidden on my screen, unlike all the countless ads that materialise magically whenever I visit pretty much any site, often to the point of delaying the uploading of the site’s content to an infuriating degree.  I’d much rather a very fast (and easily close-able) rude picture appeared than all those interminable video-ads attempting to flog me stuff I’m not interested in, don’t want to buy and, on principle, wouldn’t buy from whichever company has invaded my computer, even if I did.

    • You need to install Ad Block Plus, Jax. I never get any of that shit. No ads, no pop-ups, no nothing. The only minor inconvenience is that some pages I visit will refuse to let me view the content unless I disable Ad Block. Usually, on principle, I just close the page. Fuck ’em.

  3. What a waste of tax payer’s gelt. Doesn’t the government have better things to spend ‘their’ money on? As said, porn does not insinuate you have take the effort to search for it and if that’s your bag then the government have no right of censure. Basically they can fuck off. Anyway, from what I can see, those on High have no right to lecture us proles on moral standards. Glass houses and all that.

  4. When porn was in short supply and supplied on VHS by men in dirty raincoats in Soho sex shops, it was rare and difficult to obtain. This added to mystique and – dare I say it – excitement. These days you just type porn into google and there’s literally hundreds of sites where there’s a ever ending supply of it on tap.

    The old VHS stuff was effectively dirty movies. It had a story line as well as a bit of slap and tickle although admittedly not a very good story line most of the time. Now it just videos of birds with silicon tits, tatoos and pussy piercings giving blow jobs to blokes with big dicks and letting them cum on their faces.

    Boring, boring, boring (no pun intended…) and no usually bearing resemblance to actual sex most of the time anyway.

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