I honestly don't know whether to be amused or sad at this modern obsession with health.

Back when I was in my twenties [or so] I used to have very simple methods of judging my state of health.

If I fell flat on my face after running too fast, I reckoned that maybe I should rest a bit.  If my muscles began to really ache, my guess was that I was overdoing something.  Basically I just ignored my body until it started complaining.

Nowadays though, the bovine herd have to be told their limits.  They lash out silly amounts of money for little monitors to nag them when they aren't doing enough and to scare the shite out of them when they do too much.  They have little straps or watches that monitor their heart rate and their blood pressure.  Their mobile phones count the steps they take and estimate how many calories they are supposed to have burned.  This is hypochondria on a grand scale.

The latest is a little wrist strap to add to all the other neurotic straps.  This one monitors how much people drink, for fuck's sake!

Now I know when I have had enough to drink.  I fall flat on my face which surely should be enough of a sign for anyone.  It's simple, cheap and unbelievably reliable.  Not only that but it's self policing as I am then incapable of drinking more.  My method requires no purchases [apart from the price of a few pints], no recharging or even the use of a horribly expensive mobile phone.  If I need something to nag me about the amount I drink, well that's what wives are for.

The latest device does have one saving grace – apparently it takes about 45 minutes to catch up on the intake.  This presumably means that it only states your level of drunkenness three quarters of an hour ago, so you are always a couple of pints ahead of it?  So by the time it's nagging you that you are about to exceed the driving limit, you are not only way over the limit but probably already have driven half way home.  Not much fucking use then?

But use is not a factor in the modern world.  It's more important to have some expensive gimmick to show your office coworkers.  It's your proof that you take your health seriously thereby conforming to the trend and affirming membership of the herd.

There really is one born every minute

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Knowing your limits — 5 Comments

  1. I suppose if they now have a device to track your drinking it cannot be too long before a compulsory device comes out to track your thinking. You and I may as well just surrender when that arrives, if we're still alive for the experience.

    • Before that there will be satellite tracking ["we know where you live!"]

      But don't be defeatist – think of the fun, hacking into the devices and screwing with their heads?

  2. " had enough to drink.  I fall flat on my face "

    But how do you know if it's through overdrinking or running too much? Obviously you are not competent to judge – just because it's your body and you have preserved it this long means nothing – so you need a gadget backed up by a nanny state to tell you, and advise on how to live your life.

    • Of course it's the drink.  I'm not in the habit of running in a pub.  Do I need a gadget to tell me I'm in a pub?

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