I quite like my mobile phone.

I believe it is classed as one of those "smart" phones, but frankly I can't work out why.

It does lots of interesting things like taking notes, acting as a stop watch [handy for boiling an egg], reminding me what bins to put out and when, and it even acts as a telephone.  It idles away the time if Herself is shopping as I can snoop around looking for wireless networks, or in extreme cases it can act as a SatNav which would be handy in a strange city to find my way back to the car [if I could remember where I parked it].

But none of the above is really what I would class as "smart".  After all, I still have to do all the work and tell it what to remind me about, or tell it how long to boil an egg.  Now if I were heading down to the village and it suddenly piped up and told me I had forgotten to put my trousers on, then that would be smart.

There are a couple of things I have learned to do with it.  The first is to disable Mobile Data as that chews up my credit.  The second is to disable WiFi [or Wiffy as our bold senator would have it] as that chews up the battery.  So in the normal course of a day, the only thing my phone is capable of doing is sending and receiving phone calls, which when you think about it, is its raison d'être? So no problems there.

So why is it that every time I wake my phone from its slumbers it bitches about being short of memory?  It tells me that my RAM is full [why does that make me think of Welsh hill-farmers?] and that I have to clear some memory immediately.  It then gives a list of programmes that are running.  It lists off shit like Chrome, Email, Twitter and a load of other crap that I haven't used in ages, if ever.  Now I have killed all these programmes as there is no point in them if I have disabled Mobile Data and WiFi, so why the blind fuck to they keep reappearing?  I kill them, and ten minutes later they're fucking back!  Why does it insist on launching these programmes behind my back?  Even worse, why is then complaining to me about something it has done?

Good phone?


Smart phone?

It's about as fucking smart as a stoned heroin addict in the gutter.

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Not so smart — 5 Comments

  1. We seem to share a lot in common, Head Rambles. Yes, those 'haemeroid' (android) phones with a mind of their own,running down my credit with Mobile Data and my battery with WiFi every time I walk up or down our WiFi enabled factory floor.

    I really just have it for calls, texts and the fact that it has a keyboard for sending or answering texts.

  2. I ditched mine for a so-called dumb phone which receives texts or calls and has a stopwatch, caculator, alarm clock, torch plus a radio. It cost four pounds in Asda and a fiver per month makes it work. I work in an airport, some of the time, and it used to be the case that the departure lounges were full of conversations and chat. Now it's just people tapping on these infernal devices. I don't like them, it's an addiction and a turn for the worse. People start texting when you are talking with them which is rude enough to merit a boot in the nuts, were it not a criminal offence to do so.

    • The only reason I got my present one was that my previous one was virtually unworkable, and I got the chance of a cheap "upgrade".  I completely agree about the texting lark.  You must admit though there is one bonus – you may have to dodge the texters on the pavement but it's fun watching them walk out in front of buses?

  3. I came to the conclusion that "smart phone" was a relative statement, in that the phone is generally smarter than the operator.

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