Why Heavy Metal is called heavy

Well, you could knock me down with a feather.

I always thought that obesity was caused by overeating, lack of exercise or even genetics.  It just goes to show how wrong I can be.

Apparently the real cause of obesity is noise.

Noise, I hear you say?  Yes, noise.  [I can’t say it any louder as I don’t want to make you fat].

You see, those incredibly intelligent and highly educated scientists have discovered that living near a road, railway or aircraft flightpath leads to obesity.

Who'd a thunk it?

Could it possibly be that people don't like living near railways, roads or airports because of the noise and therefore houses tend to be a lot cheaper, meaning that the poorer members of society tend to live in these areas?  There is a supposed connection between lower income and obesity, but surely those wise erudite scientists would have copped that one?  Nah!  I'm a mere mortal by comparison so how could I possibly know anything about it?

Anyhows, they reckon that somehow noise leads to sleepless nights which in turn leads to something else which in turn causes something which eventually ends up on your waistline.  Incredible!  How these scientists do it is beyond me.  Here was I thinking that it was my fondness for Mars bars that was broadening me out a bit, and it is really that fucker up the valley who zaps past the Manor on his fucking motorbike with no silencer on it.  Time to string a cable across the road at neck height as he could be causing all sorts of future health problems for me.

I'll have to stop listening to Steppenwolf, Deep Purple and Status Quo too.  Can't be too careful?  I always thought that Heavy Metal meant loud, not realising it meant weight.

Presumably our Illustrious Gubmint will be issuing us all with earplugs soon?



Flight FR9399 Palma to Prestwick has just flown over.

I'd better loosen my belt another notch?

H/T John at Forest Eireann

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Why Heavy Metal is called heavy — 9 Comments

  1. Betty Windsor lives under the final approach to Heathrow when she is out at her castle and she's not fat. If those scientists are right, she must starve herself when she is in her flat on the Mall

    • She would have a load of staff to listen to the planes for her.  They get fat and she remains slim.  Where would we be without staff?

  2. A classic case of the post hoc ergo propter hoc logical fallacy. Or in other words, correlation is not causation.

  3. I wouldn't call Keith Richards obese. I'm surprised he's still alive, right enough, but I wouldn't call him obese.

  4. It some ways noise does cause obesity. Maybe not directly but indirectly you might say. Perhaps those who cannot control their own eating habits are haunted by the sounds they may hear every single day.

    To wit:

    The sound of hamburger frying.

    The sound of the fryer timer in a fats…er…fast food joint beeping raucously indicating a fresh batch of fries (chips) is ready.

    The sound of a cash register as it rings out 6 multi-packs of Mars Bars, 6 family size bags of Cheez Puffs and 24 pack of diet(?) soda (name your brand) in preparation for an evening movie marathon–again.

    The sound of the pizza delivery guy knocking on their door with a lovely large "The works and the kitchen sink thrown in" pizza just for them.

    The hiss/snap sound as they open their first of many beers for the weekend (can't wait for the pizza dude to get here and where the hell are my Cheez Puffs?).


    Not too sure where this comment is going so I'm going to stop now. (living is the main cause of death but don't tell the media)


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