Well, you could knock me down with a feather.
I always thought that obesity was caused by overeating, lack of exercise or even genetics. It just goes to show how wrong I can be.
Apparently the real cause of obesity is noise.
Noise, I hear you say? Yes, noise. [I can’t say it any louder as I don’t want to make you fat].
You see, those incredibly intelligent and highly educated scientists have discovered that living near a road, railway or aircraft flightpath leads to obesity.
Who'd a thunk it?
Could it possibly be that people don't like living near railways, roads or airports because of the noise and therefore houses tend to be a lot cheaper, meaning that the poorer members of society tend to live in these areas? There is a supposed connection between lower income and obesity, but surely those wise erudite scientists would have copped that one? Nah! I'm a mere mortal by comparison so how could I possibly know anything about it?
Anyhows, they reckon that somehow noise leads to sleepless nights which in turn leads to something else which in turn causes something which eventually ends up on your waistline. Incredible! How these scientists do it is beyond me. Here was I thinking that it was my fondness for Mars bars that was broadening me out a bit, and it is really that fucker up the valley who zaps past the Manor on his fucking motorbike with no silencer on it. Time to string a cable across the road at neck height as he could be causing all sorts of future health problems for me.
I'll have to stop listening to Steppenwolf, Deep Purple and Status Quo too. Can't be too careful? I always thought that Heavy Metal meant loud, not realising it meant weight.
Presumably our Illustrious Gubmint will be issuing us all with earplugs soon?
Flight FR9399 Palma to Prestwick has just flown over.
I'd better loosen my belt another notch?