I have a problem with kettles.
Or rather, I think they have a major problem with me.
When I first set up house we got ourselves a Russell Hobbs. It was a fine yoke and did it's job well but after a while it sprang a leak. It was where the spout joined the body and was impossible to repair. I dumped it and bought a new one.
The next one just died. Something blew in the element or something but whatever it was I dumped it and bought a new one.
Over the years this has continued with renewals on a regular basis. Finally about six years ago I bought one that was all plastic. Whatever about the element blowing, this one wasn't going to leak.
That one boiled water beautifully and it's element seemed capable of heating a swimming pool. The fucking thing dribbled! The fuckers had chosen design over function and no matter how I tried to pour it, it dribbled all over the place. It had to go.
The daughter has a Tefal which she has had for years. I bought one of them. It had the right shape to pour and obviously was long lasting. After a while the fucking element blew up. I went to replace it with the same model but couldn't find it. I made my choice out of the dozens on offer [most of them with that damned straight-up spout that dribbles] and brought it home. That was a year ago.
Yesterday I realised there was a large pool on the counter-top and rivulets running down the cupboards to a lake on the floor. The fucking thing was leaking.
By this stage, whenever I buy a kettle I keep everything – the box, the packaging and even the silly little condom that slips over the plug pins. Naturally the receipt goes into the box too.
I'm just back from Skobievlle with a new kettle. Yer Man in the shop said I was the first person ever to bring back an eleven month old kettle in its original packaging. To quote him – most of 'em don't even have a fuckin' receipt.
The new kettle has no joints. It's a stainless steel pot inside a plastic casing, and the steel pot is leak proof. It's a Tefal so hopefully it will last as long as the daughter's which must be at least ten years old. I read the manual [after making myself a grand mug of tea] and it warns me not to use it if I'm not experienced. I have a driving licence so that will have to do. I also mustn't use it at any altitude above 4,000 meters so the trip to Everest is off. I got all that from their 101 page instruction manual, which to put it mildly is quite comprehensive.
Hopefully my troubles are over.
I'm still keeping the box and packaging though.