All aboard the Gravy Train

ROLL UP!  ROLL UP!

It's PARTY time…..

You are all cordially invited to the luxurious bash of a lifetime at the Hyattt Catpital Gate in Abu Dhabi.

No expense has been spared to ensure the break of a lifetime [don’t worry – all expenses will be paid by the tax payer].

Don't miss out of the fabulous highlights…

James Fatso Reilly of Ireland being awarded Cunt of the Year for his work on plain packs.

Michael Bloomberg being awarded Tyrant of the Decade, for being.. well.. a tyrant.

Simon Chapman receiving his Mensa Award for the lowest recorded IQ in history.

Other highlights will be special training sessions for journalists to show them how to lie through their teeth without laughing, and for those who know sweet fuck all about Limited Liability there will be a hilarious discussion on suing company executives.

This is an opportunity you cannot afford to miss.  You would be mad to miss out on a chance of joining a profession that pays well and whose only requirement is to be as ignorant as pig shit.  No qualifications are required, in fact, scientific training and logical reasoning are the only barriers to membership.

Do you feel you need a new religion?

Is your penis so small that you feel a need to bully?

Do you need a reason for your grey, bland, dull life?

Do you love spouting arse-dribble?

Get your visas!

Join us NOW!

You know you want to.

 

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Comments

All aboard the Gravy Train — 10 Comments

  1. I read about all these people getting together in one place and it makes me think of Ween's song, "Cover it with gas and set it on fire"

    • It did cross my mind that it would be very convenient to have them all in the one place…….!

      I wonder if the hotel allows smoking?

      • When I was in Dubai in 2008 all the hotels allowed smoking.  Packs of Marlboros cost about 90 cents each.  A carton of 200 smokes cost the equivalent of $9.00USD

  2. They're letting journalists IN?

    I seem to remember that they were barred from actually attending sessions at the last such all expenses paid shindig, and reduced to being 'free' to print PR handouts distributed in the hotel lobby after each day's 'work'.

    When one enterprising hack from a smallish US paper bluffed his way into the talking shop seem to recall he was thrown out of the hotel pretty violently once his uncensored, but quite balanced – report appeared in press.

    • Very carefully hand-picked journalists [doubtless those who were best at blowing the Tobacco Control trumpet].

      Modules in the training include –

      How to make the most lurid headline out of a trivial fact.

      How to turn an Insignificant Event into a Worldwide Pandemic.

      How to believe everything TC says and disbelieve everyone else.

      Everything is for the sake of the cheeeeldren.

    • I saw that was in the pipeline all right.

      As for funding Mr Gates, the only time I have ever "bought" any of his software was when I bought a laptop with Windoze pre-installed.  This machine came with Windoze 8 on it.  Stripped it off and used Linux.  It's free and works a hell of a lot better.  Also Linux doesn't fund the Nanny State.

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