I have a major problem on my hands.

I have to go out shortly which will involve around twenty miles of driving.

But the weather people here have issued an Orange Alert.

What the blind fuck does that mean?

I have nightmare visions of driving along a quiet country road when suddenly I am attacked by a gang of kids throwing fruit at me.  That's not that dangerous but it would make one hell of a mess of my car.

The problem is that they have issued this alert but they haven't bothered to say exactly what it means.  Do they say it because it sounds cool [We have an Orange Situation over Ireland at the moment] or are they just fucking with my head?

There is a bit of a gusty gale blowing at the moment.  It woke me several times during the night with its howling [though that could have just been Herself having nightmares].  Wind doesn't bother me when I'm driving unless it blows down a tree on top of me.  Maybe they are warning me to stay clear of orange trees?  That will be relatively easy as there aren't any.

I confess to being a tad nervous.

Should I take my chances?

Or should I wait for a Code Lemon? 

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Oranges and lemons — 15 Comments

  1. Orange Alert is an exciting vaguely militaristic sounding term used by office bound wimps (who never get their hands dirty except when they fall over after two tequila slammers) when they hear it's going to be a bit blowy outside. Nearly wet themselves with excitement, they do. They nearly pass out with orgasmic delight if a Red Alert is issued …

    Take no notice GD – there ain't a tree living that would dare fall on you without permission.

  2. ~http://ca.news.yahoo.com/blogs/geekquinox/powerful-maritime-storm-closes-roads-schools-leaves-thousands-201500443.html   pfft bit of wind is all, we get nor'easters all the time like that, in fact had one this week. my friend in florida gets all wound up calling them hurricanes but they are just a bit of a storm.

  3. When they issue a banana alert that's the time to get nervous.


    But, if I were you (which I'm not of course) I would not venture out today.

  4. Edit

    I'm back.

    I can't say I'm very impressed.

    A bit a wind and that's it.  Nothing to write home about, or even to write here about.

    No trees down.  No branches down.  Not even a fucking twig.

    Orange alert my hole.

  5. Orange alert?

    That will be boys wearing bowler hats and sashes marching down the middle of the road behind a band which can play two tunes, one of which is The Sash and the other that isn't.

  6. Your readers might correct me but I believe a black alert refers to nuclear armageddon with a nuclear winter to follow and beyond that is the full range of pantone colours to warn of every single risk in life. Dark charcoal warns of a wisp of tobacco smoke within a hundred mile radius. Oh, and white is when there is a complete absence of weather of any kind, (I suppose).

    • Maybe I should develop a colour alert code for this site, warning people about the various types of content?  They could range from "Grey Alert" [boring bland stuff] through to "Blue Alert" [for when I get worked up about something]?

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