Oranges and lemons — 15 Comments

  1. Orange Alert is an exciting vaguely militaristic sounding term used by office bound wimps (who never get their hands dirty except when they fall over after two tequila slammers) when they hear it's going to be a bit blowy outside. Nearly wet themselves with excitement, they do. They nearly pass out with orgasmic delight if a Red Alert is issued …

    Take no notice GD – there ain't a tree living that would dare fall on you without permission.

  2. ~   pfft bit of wind is all, we get nor'easters all the time like that, in fact had one this week. my friend in florida gets all wound up calling them hurricanes but they are just a bit of a storm.

  3. When they issue a banana alert that's the time to get nervous.


    But, if I were you (which I'm not of course) I would not venture out today.

    • If you have to go out,pick up a few bottles of wine in case they issue a grape alert in your absence.

  4. Edit

    I'm back.

    I can't say I'm very impressed.

    A bit a wind and that's it.  Nothing to write home about, or even to write here about.

    No trees down.  No branches down.  Not even a fucking twig.

    Orange alert my hole.

  5. Orange alert?

    That will be boys wearing bowler hats and sashes marching down the middle of the road behind a band which can play two tunes, one of which is The Sash and the other that isn't.

    • Ian,if my alzheimers serves me well,was that not a quote from a U.S civil war general?(paraphrased)

      • It could well have been. I heard it from a clergyman in the North who complained that a local flute band would march up and down the road playing only the two tunes they knew

  6. Your readers might correct me but I believe a black alert refers to nuclear armageddon with a nuclear winter to follow and beyond that is the full range of pantone colours to warn of every single risk in life. Dark charcoal warns of a wisp of tobacco smoke within a hundred mile radius. Oh, and white is when there is a complete absence of weather of any kind, (I suppose).

    • Maybe I should develop a colour alert code for this site, warning people about the various types of content?  They could range from "Grey Alert" [boring bland stuff] through to "Blue Alert" [for when I get worked up about something]?

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