Last April, the Dublin Mint Office announced they were going to produce a coin in commemoration of Michael Collins.
There is a bit of family history that ties us into those times and I thought I would treat Herself to the coin.
I sent off for it and when it arrived my suspicions were somewhat aroused. Apparently this coin was one of a series that was going to carry on ad infinitum, with each coin getting more expensive as we progress.
I have had some experience of The Reader’s Digest and National Geographic and I am only too familiar with the technique – they keep sending me shit and expecting me to pay for it and there is nothing I can do to stop them. The only way to spike their guns is to get them at the outset. I had ordered the first coin, so I had no problems with sending ‘em a cheque. However, I enclosed a letter with it –
I am sending a cheque as per the enclosed invoice.
I note that you intend sending further coins in the future. I would prefer not to receive them.
Please remove me from your mailing list, and please do not send any further items. I shall consider any such items to be unsolicited gifts and will not return them. I shall accept encashment of my cheque to be proof that you have read this and accepted my terms.
I thought that was plain enough and I sat back and waited for the cheque to be cashed.
Next thing, I receive a nasty letter saying they haven’t received my payment.
I rang them, and they were most apologetic – they had indeed received my cheque, and therefore my letter.
That was the end of that saga.
No it wasn’t.
A couple of weeks later I received another coin and a load of other bumf that I didn’t want. Naturally I received an invoice for a silly amount. I ignored it.
Then I received a letter complaining that they hadn’t received the second payment. I enclosed a letter with their invoice and sent it back [without a cheque] -
I refer you to the attached letter a copy of which I enclosed with my remittance for your previous coin.
Not only was my cheque lodged to your account, but I confirmed by telephone that it had been received. I can therefore accept that you agreed to my conditions.
While I was away, I received an email. They claim that “somehow the first letter and the cheque got separated” and could I please send back the second coin?
They can fuck off.
This morning I got a letter from them announcing a new series of freshly minted pre-decimal coins, and would I like to subscribe?
For fuck’s sake!
Can’t they take a fucking hint?