There has been a minor fuss lately over the sea levels rising again.

Apparently the level of the oceans has been rising much faster that predicted and it is time for us all to take this Global Warming very seriously indeed.  Naturally I drove into Skobieville hoping to sea the place finally submerged and cleansed, but there it was – as high, dry and dirty as ever.

I went back and checked the figures.  Surely I must have missed something, as even the BBC had an article on the news all but saying that the polar ice caps had vanished overnight.

I found the figures I was looking for, and I will kid you not – I shit myself.  The oceans are rising at the rate of nearly two millimetres a year!  Wow!  I gave myself a couple of well deserved large stiff whiskeys to calm the nerves.

But then I started arguing with myself [as I do, occasionally].  “Hold on” says I to myself, the oceans are quite big – 361,419,000 square kilometres to be precise, and in case no one has noticed, they are liquid which means they tend to slosh around a lot.  Not only does the wind tend to ripple up that nice smooth surface, but even our friend and neighbour the Moon has in inconvenient habit of dragging the surface up by many metres a couple of times a day.  How can they possibly claim that the surface is rising by a millimetre or two?  And if it is, how do they know it’s not caused by the planets passing overhead, or Dublin Corporation throwing another barge-load of shit in from the sewage works?

But then, I says to myself, suppose they are right?  That means that in five hundred years the sea will have risen by a full metre?  This could be serious after all.  How long has this been going on for, I asked myself?   Since 1985 apparently. 

Measuring climate trends since 1985 is like measuring the speed of a car in one millionth of a second and trying to estimate what speed that car will be doing in five years time.

I think the empty lager cans and used hypodemic nerdles in the gutters of Skobieville are safe for a while yet?

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A teardrop in the ocean — 11 Comments

  1. Yeeeeeessss …….. inddheeeeeed………..

    Who needs sleeping tablets when you've got reports like this being published. Another coma inducing report came in the Journal today, where it's been reported (wait for it!) that ice has been discovered on Mercury!!!!

    I literally had to force myself to stay away from Lidl where there's skiing outfits going at a bargain price.

  2. Iv just been reading about all that global warming over Europe just put another few taxpayers on the fire .But its not all bad news GD in today's IE  "Elderly people will be given the chance to pay the property tax on their home from beyond the grave" is there no end to the generosity of the gobshites in the Dail.


    • And I suppose they are going to charge property tax on the graves too?  Or only for the periods where the grave is actually occupied?

  3. Its is all fucking hype to scare us into spending money….thats all.

    There are no facts of substance in any of it. If we want to know the real effect, all we have to do is look at the planet's history. The Dinosaurs roamed the planet for 120 million years approx. farting, shitting and breeding all over the gaff. You'd imagine in all that time they would have done damage to the planet's eco system, but no, the planet looks after itself, with all its natural disasters.

    The poor buggers were wiped out apparently by a huge Meteor. There's more danger of that happening again than Humans wrecking the place, barring Total Global Thermonuclear War.

    The polar Ice Caps keep doing their thing and water levels keep rising and receding too. Its all a natural cycle and the scobies will always survive even through a Nuclear war.

    • There are always Big Scares around the time of one of their climate conferences.  We are all supposed to panic and demand that the world return to the Stone Age.


      As for what caused the end of the dinosaurs – that happened when one of them formed a Green Party and convinced all the others to top themselves "for the sake of the planet".

      • I think many of their species (The blood sucking Dinosaurs) survived and live quite happily in Leinster House. A stones throw from The Natural History Museum.

  4. You're very anti-Skobie GD.. that's not very nice.  They can't help it etc etc.
    I went slumming it myself one time with a skobie.. they're good craic really.  Nothing you'd bring home mind you.. but good craic for a while.   Got chatting to my taxi driver up in skobieville one time.. says he, would you ever move up here, (to be with the dreamboat – scobie) I said yeah, maybe.. you might get higher pay up here all right, but accommodation might be more expensive though.. but I reckon they'd be paying you to move into these parts .. Tis a bit of a shithole really isn't it? 
    Dropping me off then, I says to him.. will you hold on there and keep an eye out.. I'll duck and do a dash into the house..
    Made it anyways.     So all in all wasn't a bad experience in skobieville those few times..  and he was a goer all night.

    What's this thread about again.. sorry slightly off topic there GD.


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