Let me introduce you to The Gathering.
No. It’s not a third rate pop group, nor is it a play.
The Gathering is the brainchild of some twat somewhere who really should have known better.
It has a web site, which is no surprise as every fucking thing has a web site these days, but it seems to assume you already know what The Gathering is before you visit. There is nothing to explain what a Gathering is and the About page just shows a Yang Wan throwing a wellington boot, which is a fat lot of fucking help.
From what I can gather [heh!], The Gathering is supposed to involve us all inviting everyone who thinks they’re Irish back to the Old Sod for a year of festivities and craic. Now seeing as something like 70,000,000 people claim Irish ancestry, things could get a little crowded.
And where are all these people supposed to stay? I know some builders went mad during the Boom Years and built a moxy load of hotels in the middle of nowhere, but I doubt even they could accommodate 70,000,000? Are they supposed to stay with us, the Plain People of Ireland? They can fuck off on that score. I’m not having my kip overrun with Merkans.
We are promised all sorts of activities for these millions when they arrive. Presumably that means wall to wall diddly-eye music and fucking leprechaun hats. I’m getting depressed already. I had a look at their map to see what’s on near here. All I could find was a fucking Patrick’s Day parade. Be still my beating heart! Are they going to hold that parade for an entire year?
So I presume the idea is that we all invite our distant relations to come and stay with us for the year? And for the entire year they are going to be entertained with fascinating, grossly overpriced events such as wellington boot throwing and Paddy’s Day parades?
They seem to have overlooked the fact that most people are struggling just to keep a roof over their own heads, let alone anyone else’s. They have missed the point that we can barely afford to feed ourselves without filling the back bedroom with a couple of thousand extra mouths.
They have also overlooked the fact that a lot of us are only too happy to have our distant relations living on the other side of the globe and have no wish whatsoever to see them again.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, as it were.
Gathering my hole!