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The Gathering 2013

Head Rambles Posted on by

Let me introduce you to The Gathering.

No.  It’s not a third rate pop group, nor is it a play.

The Gathering is the brainchild of some twat somewhere who really should have known better.

It has a web site, which is no surprise as every fucking thing has a web site these days, but it seems to assume you already know what The Gathering is before you visit.  There is nothing to explain what a Gathering is and the About page just shows a Yang Wan throwing a wellington boot, which is a fat lot of fucking help.

From what I can gather [heh!], The Gathering is supposed to involve us all inviting everyone who thinks they’re Irish back to the Old Sod for a year of festivities and craic.  Now seeing as something like 70,000,000 people claim Irish ancestry, things could get a little crowded.

And where are all these people supposed to stay?  I know some builders went mad during the Boom Years and built a moxy load of hotels in the middle of nowhere, but I doubt even they could accommodate 70,000,000?  Are they supposed to stay with us, the Plain People of Ireland?  They can fuck off on that score.  I’m not having my kip overrun with Merkans.

We are promised all sorts of activities for these millions when they arrive.  Presumably that means wall to wall diddly-eye music and fucking leprechaun hats.  I’m getting depressed already.  I had a look at their map to see what’s on near here.  All I could find was a fucking Patrick’s Day parade.  Be still my beating heart!  Are they going to hold that parade for an entire year?

So I presume the idea is that we all invite our distant relations to come and stay with us for the year?  And for the entire year they are going to be entertained with fascinating, grossly overpriced events such as wellington boot throwing and Paddy’s Day parades?

They seem to have overlooked the fact that most people are struggling just to keep a roof over their own heads, let alone anyone else’s.  They have missed the point that we can barely afford to feed ourselves without filling the back bedroom with a couple of thousand extra mouths.

They have also overlooked the fact that a lot of us are only too happy to have our distant relations living on the other side of the globe and have no wish whatsoever to see them again.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, as it were.

Gathering my hole!

 

Comments

The Gathering 2013 — 37 Comments

  1. They want a gathering of affluent private investors, to see what bits of Ireland they're able to sell off. 

          • No worries. My comment went something like…

            It's all about sex tourism. The welly tossing is to symbolise the message that "Irish girls do it without rubbers". Next week they're going to upload a video of Brendan Shine singing "Do you want your old lobby washed down" where he spends the whole song winking at the camera. Paddy Whackery meets jiggery pokery. 

            The website's layout is genuinely horrific.

            • So Ireland is to become the new Thailand?  I'm all for that provided us locals get first divvy?

              As for thier web site… I think even I could do better than that.  And that is really saying something!

              • So Grandad, perhaps you could get together with some of your fellow reprobates and put on a "Fuck the Gathering Gathering". Only struggling locals allowed to attend, BYOG of course (Bring Your Own Guinness). BYOF*, BYOW**, BYOR*** as well. Good time will be had by all I think.

                 

                *Bring Your Own Food

                **Bring Your Own Weed

                ***Bring Your Own Rubbers

              • "So Ireland is to become the new Thailand?  I'm all for that provided us locals get first divvy"     

                Such talk out of you GD!     TMI. 
                Is this kind of talk ok when it's coming from a man?  Is it? Huh?  Huh?

                And a  'yang wan' hey?  First divvy me hole, you'd last 2 mins most likely. 🙂

                Besides the misogynism, I think you're spot on again.. pile of bollix.  The yanks would fall for any ole shite though and would think they have to get back to the motherland for this.

                 

                • Bloody hell!  I didn't say what I wanted first divvy at and immediately I'm a misogynist?  Women!

  3. You mustn't  begrudge them the chance to enjoy a pint or several in  their old watering holes.

    Oh right…could be a problem with that.

    • A problem?  If 70,000,000 people turn up and drink a mere five pints a night, that'll be 350,000,000 pints a day!  That could cause a shortage.  Not on….

      • With that level of income from Mercans Guinness could afford to supply the locals for free. Bet they won't though

        • But do they have the brewing capacity for around 45 million gallons a day?  And that doesn't include exports?

  4. I wrote up a very clever comment but upon submission I was sent to a page that stated:

    "Error:  Spam protection could not retrieve password"

    …or some such thing as that. Awfully irritating as i can never recall what it was I wrote in the first place.

    • Sorry, tt.  The house is full.  You'll have to make alternative arrangements.  I'll let you buy me a pint though…..

  6. So you're saying I should change my holiday plans then?  Yeah, right, who can afford a trip nowadays?  I do hate to admit I've never been to Ireland.  One of these days I'll make it.  There is an unusual recurring dream I have that must've come from a previous life in Ireland.  I am clinging to the side of a very steep hill,  the only thing that keeps me from falling off are the two clumps of green grass that I'm hanging onto for dear life.  What does it mean?

    • It's more a case of who can afford a trip to Ireland! 

      As for the dream – it just means that you shouldn't let go.

  7. If I could afford to take a holiday in Oirland next year, my personal preference would be someplace VERY quiet and as far away as possible from this pile of arse-water that they've dreamt up. And now I know why all these Ghost Estates have been kept empty. 😉

    • I have booked myself a month on Fastnet Rock.  There are a few spare rooms if you are interested?  Fabulous sea views [from every window]?

  9. Oi, bejezus, biggora an a top o'the mornin to ya, it's 70,000,000 an 1, my grandmother was Oirish from the fair city of Dublin, up the Crumlin Rd by all accounts….. On a more serious note, the Irish thing of "If you had an Irish grandparent, you're entitled to an Irish passport bollox, you do realise that once the arse falls out out of America (which it will) I think 70 million will be like way, way too pessimistic an estimate?

    Regardless of my Oirish roots, I'm afraid I'm a died in the wool Yorkshireman, and regardless of the Yorkshire/Irish kindred spirit thing, 5 fuckin euros for a fuckin guinness?? Not even them shandy drinking southern nancys down London could get away with charging them sort of prices, and they know how to take the piss!!

     

    • heh! Welcome, Budvar!  Long before the arse falls out of America the arse is going to fall out of Europe.  Can America cope with an additional 450 million?  Or maybe we should all move to Iceland?  They seem to know how to properly deal with recessions and things?

      And if you think five yoyos is bad for a pint, wait to see what they charge when all those saps visitors arrive for The Gathering!  I predict at least a tenner.

  10. I have O'Connors amongst my forebears. You wouldn't turn away your own kin, would you?  Surely not.

    • Oh sweet fuck!  That image has been saved and will doubtless appear here in the future,  😈

  12. lets gather all past and present politicians and execute them .all problems solved .

    and reason to to party .

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