I have to do a little bit of driving today.
The place I am going to is one of those little places that can’t be found on a map, and even if it were I would never remember all the little twists, turns and junctions I would have to navigate to get there.
Time to rely on Roger.
For those who haven’t met Roger, he is the bloke who tells me where to drive. He either lives in the little screen thingy I clip to the windscreen or he lives on a satellite. I’m not sure which.
Normally I leave Roger in the car, but yesterday I brought him into the house and plugged him into my laptop.
Then I remembered that Roger is one of those pains in the arse that wants me to use Windows.
I told the laptop to use Windows. After around half an hour of programs crashing and complaining about updates, I plugged Roger in.
He complained that he wanted an update too.
It’s a reasonable request. Roads do change occasionally, but more important, Roger keeps an eye out for speed limits and other nasty little surprises that the various councils like to throw at me. I told him to go ahead and update his maps.
A little progress thing appeared on my screen. It was divided into three – Download, Unpack and Install. The only thing that concerned me was that there was a little “time left” under each and the one under “Download” said five hours. It had to be kidding!
The SatNav box is a fairly small gizmo. I can fit it into my pocket with room to spare, so there can’t be that much space inside it to fit all the map information. But there again, I suppose it was learning about every road, street, lane, town, village and speed limit in Europe. Or maybe that’s too much for the little box and what I was actually doing was uploading the information to the satellite? That would make more sense.
So for five hours the laptop was stuck in Windows, so I went and did a bit of stuff in the garden.
At the end of the five hours, it went into the “Unpack” thing. That was better. Five minutes. Then it went into “Install”. Another fucking hour!
I will be going out shortly and I shall be relying on Roger.
If you never hear from me again, you’ll know all that fucking wasted time was in vain.
Roger will probably have sent me to Murmansk or Cairo or somewhere.