In a press release today, ASH has revealed some startling new figures.

In a major study involving five children at a bus stop, startling new facts have emerged, revealing there is an extensive network of advertising aimed at promoting smoking, and that this campaign is aimed specifically at children.

When shown the following image, the children were asked for their first thoughts


Of the respondents, 99% declared that their first thought was of cigarettes.  A further 14% said it reminded them of cigars and 0.1% suggested two elephants flying over the Victoria Falls.

“This evil campaign has to stop” said a spokeswoman for ASH.

“These evil signs are everywhere, and a great number are displayed less than five feet from the ground which proves that Big Tobacco are aiming their campaign directly at our poor children” she continued.

“We have discovered these horrendous signs everywhere, mostly outside shops but we have found them promoting their deadly product outside churches and even schools.  Is there no end to the depravity of the Tobacco Industry?”

“We have got to think of the children” she said before bursting into tears.

In a follow up study, it was discovered that of the five respondents, within fifteen minutes almost five had become addicted to cigarettes and were now on a sixty a day habit.

Calls have been made to governments around the world to ban the display of these signs altogether. 

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Yet another ban — 14 Comments

  1. Children need crash courses in reading and writing. They are so semiliterate that they read a No Smoking sign to mean Gizza Fag Mister. Or. as you surmise, they think it is two elephants sailing over Victoria Falls.
    I say, ban these signs and substitute with big heaps of elephant dung adorned with smoking Woodbines. A possible slogan to accompany same might be: Smoking coffin nails is a heap of elephant manure. That’s all the bull for today.

  2. Mossy – All I can say is thank God they don’t use a pipe symbol.  I’d gag for a puff every time I saw one.

    Gerald – They should make smoking compulsory in schools.  Then the kids would run a mile at the suggestion of a cigarette?

  3. If you think that’s bad, there’s a gang of brats taking their cider flagons up to the field behind my house at night and a Garda told me they are also sniffing nicotine patches up there as well. According to the uniform, it’s even worse than Rome in it’s heyday. “De knickertine”, he told me reliably, “Turns the young wans inta craven randy bithches and the lads and myself have had ta trow buckets a’ cold water over dem some nights”.

  4. John – Hah!  First time I have heard of patches being used as an aphrodisiac!  Of course modern yoof would inhale a bus driver’s kacks if they thought they could get a high there!

    Slab – Seeing as you like links to photographs, I like this lot.  I think that should be sufficient to give any self-righteous Anti a heart attack?

  5. I was going to say – reach for the fags, but Mossy beat me to it – strange none of your Yank contributors have picked us up on that one … still, even yank ‘comes’ from a different angle these days … sad world we live in – thank God for the do – gooders!!!!(disappears in a poof of smoke)

  6. Welcome Frank!  Puff?  Poof?  Depends on which kind of ‘fag’ we’re talking about.  Life would be a whole lot easier if Americans could learn English!  [Good luck on the journey, BTW!]

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