There is one expression that crops up from time to time that is guaranteed to send me into a rage.
“Whatever is the new thingy”
Now what the fuck is that supposed to mean?
“White is the new black”.
I defy anyone to tell me what that means. White is white, and black is black, and some tacky little phrase is not going to change that.
It is obviously a phrase thought up by some pimply little advertising prat who thought he was ever so clever. It is meaningless, trite and is not even microscopically clever.
Whoever dreamt it up should be nicely impaled on a steel rod and then roasted very slowly over an open fire. Anyone who continues to use it should likewise be burned at the steak.
I was flicking around the television channels last night and passed across the news. There was Biffo being interviewed about the Snip thing. It was an ugly enough sight, but apparently he was caught at a rally encouraging people to holiday in Ireland.
Behind him was a banner declaring that “Holidaying at home is the new going abroad”, or words to that effect.
What is the point of this banner?
Am I supposed to be so fucking thick that I will book a holiday in Ballinasloe under the belief that I am booking Thailand? Is it somehow supposed to make be feel better?
Listen to me, you stupid fucking dense wankers – Ireland is Ireland and Abroad is Abroad. I would have thought that was a simple enough concept, but it seems not. Ireland is cold, wet and fucking expensive. Abroad is hot dry and a hell of a lot cheaper. If you can’t tell the difference, then you deserve all you get. If, on the other hand you are not going to notice these ever so subtle differences just because someone has written a cheap and meaningless slogan on an old bed-sheet and pinned it to two broom handles, then frankly I hope you stay at home and drown. The human species will be better off for your absence.
“Grandad is the new voice of reason”.
Now, that makes sense.