Grandad’s greatest hits

I don’t know what it is about some people but without even knowing them, I want to smash their faces in.

They have never done me any harm, yet when I see them, the bile rises and I reach for the nearest weapon.

Top of the list has to be Tony O’Donoghue.

tod

There is something about him that drives me to a red rage.  Is it the idiot look he permanently wears?  Is it the cliché drenched way he talks about soccer?  Or is it just that he is a sports commentator?  I don’t know.  Whatever it is, he is crying out for a 9lb lump hammer.

Then there is Jennifer Anniston.

ja

I just cannot abide that girl.  Again, it is totally irrational.  The only reasoning I can come up with is that she was in Friends which is the epitome of everything I hate about American comedy.

Ant and Dec.

aad

When I see those two on the television, I just have to switch it off.  They look like a pair of lunatics that have escaped from a third rate childrens programme.  I fail to see how they have reached their current level of popularity.  Have television standards sunk this low?

Jamie Oliver.

jo

This one is quite easy.  He is such a smug little bollix.  He must know about me because the bastard now features in an advertisement along with Ant and Dec.

Sonia O’Sullivan.

sos

A harmless girl.  I believe she was quite good at running.  The sight of her worries me somehow.  Maybe if she had eyes?

Andie McDowell.

amd

OK.  I can’t stand her accent either, but there is something about her that makes me cringe.  She’s not worth it.

I have to stop there as I have used up my week’s supply of Prozac looking at those pictures.

I’m sure they wouldn’t hesitate before dropping me into a car crusher either, so all is fair.

But why do I hate them so much?

Am I alone in this?

Am I finally cracking?

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Comments

Grandad’s greatest hits — 39 Comments

  1. “Is it raining? I hadn’t noticed.” Andie McDowell can do one with her perma-grinned stupidity. She’s worse than Bush.

    I was asked recently if I had five bullets, who would get them?

    Kerry Katona. Jade Goody. Lee Evans. Lee Evans. Lee Evans.

    Jesus… You’ve opened the floodgates. Lee Evans rant coming soon on Radgery.

  2. I’ve met Jamie Oliver and he is a bollix.

    Andie McDowell annoys the shite out of me too.

    As for Sonia O’ Sullivan, every time she appears in public, there’s a closet somewhere missing a skeleton.

  3. You’re not crazy, Grandad; there are some people that just send me into a flying rage the moment I see them. Jennifer and Jamie, no doubt.

    Surprised not to find Prince Charles, Posh and Becks here…are they simply too obvious? Katona, Goody, jeez…you and Radge are getting me going.

    To the above may I please add, every regular reader of celebrity trash magazines: Heat, Hello, whatever. Ugh.

  4. Spot on list Grandad. Can I borrow your lumphammer when you’re finished with them?

    How about Gerry Ryan (chinless arrogant twat), Jeremy Top Gear gimp (need I say more?), Trevor Welsh (TV3 Sports fattie), Aidan Cooney (TV3 News Fattie), Al Murray (sorry B’Dum!), Baz A-Shamway (talentless, witless gimp) and finally Steve Martin (charmless, white-haired pox)?

  5. I actually mixed up Trevor Welsh, Aidan Cooney and Alan Cantwell. In my book, Welsh is ok. He’s off my list. Cantwell is the one I meant. He needs a good smack of a shovel.

  6. Ian – You have led a cloistered sheltered life! Andie McDowell – whining American actress. Among other things she does those ghastly hair shampoo advertisements.

    Radge – Yup. They can join the list.

    Maxi – You met Jamie Oliver? That explains a lot.

    Flirty – Hmmm. She could get me roused all right, but not quite that way. It must be a woman thing? Welcome back, by the way, even if you are gone again.

    Susan – Posh? How the fuck did I miss Posh? She/it should have been at the top of the list!

    NaRocRoc – Might I make a suggestion? Forget TV3? It’s crawling with them, led by the King – Martin.

    Bloody hell! I didn’t know this would get this reaction. I should have turned it into a meme.

    Grandad’s Meme
    Name six people you would like to see smacked with a shovel/lump hammer.

  7. Have you had a birthday or something in my absence Grandad – you appear to be quite grumpy some days – you know… ranting about the on/off button on a TV for instance……
    How is Granny coping with your ‘mid-life new author crises’?
    Keep taking the Prozac!!!!

  8. ok, i’ll play…
    rosie o’donnell
    elizabeth hasselbeck
    bush/cheney as one
    katie couric
    elizabeth hasselbeck
    anyone with the last name lohan
    do i have to stop at 6?

  9. Thanks for enlightening me; was she in anything I should have known about? My daughter despairs of me. The only television I watch is the RTE evening news and BBC programmes and the only radio is BBC Radio 4 and Lyric FM and they don’t carry shampoo advertisements. They are a refuge from the horrible reality of much of ordinary life!

    Ian

    – who has had a crap morning.

  10. Kate – I’m quite grumpy all days. What would a birthday have to do with it? Herself is out feeding the chickens.

    Prin – You are supposed to play on your own site! That’s the point of a meme. Now you know why I hate the things. I have never heard of half those? And you don’t like Elizabeth Hasselbeck??

    H – That would be cheating. Anyway, I have to watch the news to see my shares plummet.

    Ian – The only one I can think of is “Four Weddings and a Funeral”. You should have been in that?

    Grandad

    Who always has a crap morning.

  11. :) now you know why i hate the damn things too! you said let’s play, so play on your site i did!…oh, bloody hell, ok i’ll go play on my site too…

  12. No, Grandad, you are not alone with your specific dislikes.

    Now, I have to say that I would personally exclude Sonia O’Sullivan from this list, as she is really a harmless girl from Cork that just runs a bit more than the rest of us. I met her once when I lived in Cork, and she is actually quite charming in real life. Very natural, although perhaps not what one might call a sparkling intellectual. But very few sports people are. If they give so much energy and attention to sports, there is simply not enough left for other interests.

    I also have to say that I never saw Tony O’Donoghue before, nor ever heard of him. I am not interested in Football, and I don’t watch TV at all. So I don’t have an opinion on him, but I agree that he looks a bit too smug for a normal and sane person.

    In the other four cases I am with you. What all these people have in common is that they are not ‘real’. They are products of some weird grooming process that makes them 100% performers, 24/7, with no space left for real personality.

    I should mention that one of my areas of work is image consultancy, and the images those people project are simply awful. But there are many more worth to be listed in that way.

    One of my absolute nightmares is Marty Wheelan, and I am only too glad that I don’t have to see him often, as I don’t watch any TV. In the Dail you can also find dozens of people who would deserve to be on your list, in particular some members of the Cabinet. But I won’t turn this into a political statement. Since you read my weblog from time to time, you will know my personal pet hates in Irish politics anyway. :)

  13. Emerald Islander

    Image consultancy? You couldn’t get the bishops to stop wearing silly hats, could you? And would you know anyone who would tell the Archbishop of Canterbury to get a haircut?

  14. Hello Ian,

    yes, I am an independent consultant, and one of my areas is image, for individuals as well as companies and organisations.

    And I would be only too happy to give the bishops – Catholic, Anglican or otherwise – a helping hand to move into the 21st century. But for that they would have to become my clients. Any chance you could put a word in for me? :)

  15. I agree with you about Ant & Dec. What a pair of sickly, smarmy, snivelling pair of cunts they are. A bullet in the back of their heads and a shallow grave would be the order of the day. Also, Tommy Smith the N.Irish soccer commentator for ESPN. He has to be the most annoying voice on TV. It’s a penalty kick, not a PK and it’s a goal net not an onion bag you old twat.

  16. Prin – Two out of ten. You copied and pasted your comment from here. ;)

    Jen – Sharon Ni Bheoláin of course. Who else?

    Emerald – If I went down the political path, I would still be writing. Cowan? Harney? O’Dea? Ryan and his idiot grin? This morning’s effort is merely the tip of the iceberg.

    TT – I could have done two generic groups – 99% of all ‘celebrities’ and 99% of all sports commentators. I don’t know what the qualifications are for the latter job, but I suspect it is an extremely low IQ?

  17. Don’t know some, agree with most – but not Top Gear’s Jeremy! I love Jeremy! He’s nicely irreverent.

    Andie McDowell was the ultimate Miss Perfect USA but she has been replaced of late with annoying couples Tom Cruise & matey Katie and Brad & Angelina.

    Irish ones: Enya.. Grainne and all the Seoiges!

  18. Yes, I know only too well what you mean. I go with all of the above mentioned, plus Gormley, Cullen, Hannafin and – top of the list – Mary “The Cow” Coughlan. (In Donegal they all have their nicknames, like Pat “The Cope” Gallagher, though he is one of the few bearable ones in FF.)

    I suppose it would be easier to draw up a list of politicians who are not appalling.

  19. Elle McPherson

    oh.., and that band with all the good looking sisters and the weedy brother – can’t remember the name, one went out with Robbie Williams.. very thin – the girl not Robbie

  20. Wow GD, you sparked quite a debate didn’t you? I don’t know too many of the Irish ones but I’m with you on Andy McDowell – she has this high pitched voice and cannot act at all. (Which is probably why she’s in the shampoo ads seeing as her hairs the only good thing going for her… Thanks for the entertainment tonight – it’s been a crap day here too!

  21. Dorothy – You’re cheating now. I haven’t seen the Corrs in years so they hardly annoy me. Unless you have them living with you?

    Tricia – It has been a bit of a rollercoaster of a post. I didn’t expect any reaction like this. Obviously I struck a nerve.

    Prin – You left a teddy bear in the corner?

  22. I once searched Jennifer Anniston’s car.

    No, really.

    She was quite nice about it all, and didn’t mention you.. but she may not have known about you back then. I’m sure she does now.

    Who doesn’t?

  23. Well, Dorothy, you are of course entitled to your opinion, as everyone else is. And I wouldn’t know much about the Corrs’ music, as I prefer classical music (and have all my life, even as a young one).

    But I have to say in their defence that they have been supporting the causes of Amnesty International for quite some time and helped me – without charging a penny – to launch an international campaign against torture in Dublin a few years ago. For me that kind of commitment is more important than looks and music.

  24. When I commented here yesterday, I forgot to mention one name, and this one really, really annoys me more than anyone else. And it is not only the way he looks, but also the way he speaks and the most idiotic and brainless “humour” he bombards the Irish public with.

    I am talking about Pat Shortt, Ireland’s least funny and most annoying “comedian”. If I hear any more promotional ads for his rubbish show “Killinaskully” (I call it Killinanumbskull) I might stop listening to RTE and switch over to the BBC. At least they don’t interrupt their programmes with stupid ads every few minutes.

  25. I dont know any of the Irish twats but I would definitely vote Andie Mcdowell off the planet if only for totally ruining the already mediocre ” four bells and a whistle” or whatever it was called. And just for good measure could she take that pompous jackass “emerald islander”, with his repeated advisory that he dosen’t watch television followed by the amazingly smug statement that he “prefers classical music and have all my life, even as a young one” with her? EVEN AS A YOUNG ONE!!!!!!!!!!!

  26. Oh for goodness sakes you all got out of the bed on the wrong side! You don’t even know these people. Now I dislike my neighbour across the road for good reason, she drives a Toyota Landcruiser at 120kms up the middle of the road! Winter is clearly coming to the Northern Hemisphere and you’re getting grumpy in advance! (25 and partially sunny in Sydney) avagoodweekend!

  27. Jayzus, Paulo! I prefer classical music too. Am I for the chop?

    Baino – I’m not sure what season we are in at the moment. We had snow last month, but it was quite mild this week. I don’t get frustrated by my neighbours because I can easily heave bricks at them.

  28. No, no,no, of course not, no chop for you. I listen to little Heyden go seek myself once in a Weil, it was the ” even as a young one” that got completely up my oversized nose. Apologies for the over reaction.

  29. Paulo – I was brought up listening to the Third Programme [now BBC Radio 3] so I suppose I was listening to classical music ‘even as a young one’. Apology accepted. ;) [can't speak for Emerald though]

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