I received a permit yesterday.
I am now cordially invited to connect my drains to the main sewer.
Up to the mid sixties, we did things the rural way here. In the event that we were caught short, we nipped out behind the bushes and that was that. The fact that we had no bushes, hedges or trees at that time didn’t matter a damn, and in fact led to a lot more intimacy with our neighbours.
In the mid sixties, we decided to modernise and go all posh. We built a septic tank. We slightly over engineered it and built one that was capable of feeding a small housing estate, though why anyone would want to feed from a septic tank is beyond me.
That tank has worked beautifully for the last forty five years. It has sat silently doing its business with our business and has never caused us any grief.
In a fit of insanity, I applied to the council to connect our drain to the main sewer that runs along two of our boundaries. I don’t know why I did that. I was testing our latest crop at the time which may explain it. I think it was really just a case of going through the motions.
I read the permit carefully.
First of all, they want me to connect at the most awkward spot. In typical council fashion they have ignored the fact that my tank is beside the main sewer, and want me to connect to the secondary sewer at the other end of the property. This would not only involve a massive trench, but would play havoc with my main crop.
The second thing I noticed is that they want me to hire an engineer to check levels, and then hire a contractor to do the entire job. I pay. That would cost an arm and a leg.
Finally, once I have remortgaged myself to pay for all of this, they want me to pay them €250 for the privilege of connecting to the pipe, even though I have to make the actual connection.
So much for the council wanting to go eco-friendly and get us all away from septic tanks.
I’m sticking with my tank.
The council can go shite.