Kicking ass in Palm Springs

I seem to have developed an ambassador in America.

That is only right, I suppose, as my empire seems to be spreading.

RhodesTer in Palm Springs has awarded me the Kick Ass Blogger Award, as a bribe to obtain the post.

 Award_200px

I have nothing against bribes provided

  1. I don’t have to do the bribing
  2. Politicians or elected officials aren’t involved.

I think it would have been more appropriate if he had sent it to Kirk M , Maxi Cane or Manuel though [note the 'M' theme?].

RhodesTer has even offered to accommodate me in his hotel, presumably on a lifetime basis. 

Now this is quite a nice offer.  I could sell up the Manor here, and move to Palm Springs and live a life of luxury in his hotel for the rest of my days.  I don’t know much about his hotel except that it has a pool and there is a spot of crime in the area. 

I decided to do some research into Palm Springs.  The first thing that surprised me is that I thought it was in Florida.  Apparently they have moved it though, to California.  I suppose they wanted to get away from the hurricanes, which is fair enough.  Another thing I discovered is that they have 354 days of sunshine.  This sounds impressive, but like all statistics, it hides the truth – they have 11 days in the year when it pisses rain all the time.  I don’t know if I could stick eleven days of non-stop torrential rain.  Another thing that they don’t mention, presumably because they want to hide the fact, is that it is full of Americans.  This offer of accommodation isn’t looking quite so attractive after all.

In an effort to try to get people to visit this hell-hole of a place, they are holding a film festival there.  I hope it stays sunny for them.

The film director Shane McCabe is there for the festival and apparently has been reading this site [Hi Shane!].  It transpires that he want to buy the rights to all my books and make a film about me.

That’s fine by me.

As long as I don’t have to go to Palm Springs.

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on StumbleUponDigg thisPin on PinterestShare on RedditShare on Tumblr

Comments

Kicking ass in Palm Springs — 20 Comments

  1. sigh…you’ll have to go, cause it just won’t be the same if you aren’t starring as yourself…i doubt they could find anyone that even comes close to resembling you…hell i guess you’ll have to make it a condition that they film it where you are, instead of you coming to them :) although…i could see it..Grandad’s Coming to America! Woo Hoo! oops, sorry the brains a bit fried and it’s very early…rambling incoherently is my m o this time of morning…

  2. Prin – No chance. They can come to me. Anyway, they’d have to build mountains in Palm Springs that look like my mountains, and that could prove a bit expensive?

  3. So.. we have to cancel that truckload of Guinness we ordered?

    Just so you know – AT THE MOMENT – BECAUSE OF THE FILM FESTIVAL – the hotel is full of Europeans. There are a few Russians too.. and some Asians, I think.. but Americans are in the minority. The other groups here for the weekend are a national rental car company (managers getting a weekend in the sun) and a group of older ladies who make quilts.

    Would you like a quilt instead?

  4. RhodesTer – If it’s American Guinness, then definitely YES. It sounds almost human there, with all those nationalities milling around.

    A quilt would be nice for this damned “summer” we are having here!!

  5. Most, if not all, of the employees at the hotel will be Mexican, not Americans. For variety they will mix in a few other nationalities.

  6. We actually do have mountains, Grandad. Y’all have hills. As for Mexicans; they are the true Americans. Indeed, California once was part of Mexico. Until we robbed it, along with the rest of the sun belt.

  7. Jim nailed it. 70% Mexican in the labor jobs, and about 25% Filipino.. all of the bell and valet staff are white except for one Hispanic. They’re the ones who greet the guests right up front, you know.

    Housekeeping hired a white girl recently and I had to sit down.. it was too much to handle. She speaks English! She’s also the worst at the job.. the others work like their butts are on fire.

  8. Kate – They aren’t.

    TT – I know you have mountains. Didn’t one or two explode a while back? But they aren’t like my mountains. They have to be rolling beautiful mountains full of sheep, deer and tourists. And I wouldn’t worry about California. I think God is about to remove it from America and float it back to the Mexicans….

    Kate – That is a very kind offer. Of all the languages though, I think it’s the one I least want to learn [along with German and American].

    RhodesTer – Was she Irish? ;)

  9. A bit part?

    Words can’t describe the insult, I am an awarded actor I’ll have you know.

    I could play you. I’m a method actor and I’m already a grumpy fecker so I have that edge!

  10. RhodesTer – Sounds like she’s Irish all right! :)

    Maxi – Hold on… Are you lean, tall, old and distinguished? Do you have a beard? Do you smoke a pipe? I thought not.
    I was thinking in terms of the village drunk. Think of the perks?

  11. I’m mean, small, cold and extinguished. I do have a beard actually and I have plenty of practice smoking a pipe as I had one that blew bubbles when I was younger.

    Although, the village drunk does sound appealing.

    Do I get a trailer?

    And bitches?

  12. Jayzus! Blowing bubbles is not on. You can have a trailer, and bitches [if you want them], but think of the endless supply of free drink. I believe in method acting. Liver operations aren’t included though.

  13. A film adaptation of this blog would be interesting.

    I’m thinking an arthouse styled thing where you wear white, stand in front of a black background.
    You then read each of your posts to dramatic music, having the camera zoomed in to only show your lips moving for the most part.
    …and then a bunch of drunks start roaring afterwards, representing the comments. You join in with them until the next post starts.

  14. Got the pingback late again so I’m obviously way behind the curve here but what the hay.

    Sorry Grandad but you and your effort here deserve that award well enough so I just suppose you have to deal with it (demand money!). So maybe I should get one? You just made my day, belated the making might be and that’s good enough for me.

    We got mountains and hills galore here in VT and every damn one of them are rolling and green to boot. Take one home with ya’ and then plant it in Palm Springs if you decide to go. And although there’s plenty of cattle around there’s also plenty of sheep and a plethora of deer (and bear and moose and wild turkeys…lots of stuff to shoot at). And tourists? Tons of ‘em, all year around with the exception of Mud Season. Great target practice.

    I like the idea of a film. If you didn’t want to play yourself I figure Billy Nigh or Jeffry Rush might be able to handle it as long as you were there to coach them.

    Look at me ramble on though. Don’t know why you put up with it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>