In an unprecedented move, God is to sue America under international anti-trust and copyright legislation.
Head Rambles contacted the Heaven Press Office and arranged an interview with their spokesangel Gabriel.
HR: Thank you for speaking to us, Gay. Can you tell us what this is all about?
G: You’re welcome, Grandad. Yes. This move was taken because God has decided that enough is enough and the use of His name has to be protected.
HR: But I thought anyone is free to use the name of God?
G: Yes. But there are limits. America has breached the anti-trust legislation by claiming God as their own to the exclusion of all others.
HR: Can you elaborate?
G: Where do I start? The American insistence that they are “God’s own Country”? Their everyday naming of God in their war promoting anthem? The constant “God bless America”? They even have His name on their currency, which is a bit ironic considering His Son’s attitude to moneylenders in the Temple. He is sick and tired of it. The final straw came when that idiot leader of theirs started to claim he was starting wars because God told him to.
HR: But doesn’t every country claim that God is on their side?
G: Yes. But the Americans do it to extreme. They have breached copyright by appropriating God for themselves.
HR: Have you sought the opinion of the Pope on this matter?
HR: The Pope? The bloke in the Vatican?
G: Oh, him. He has nothing to do with us. You are confusing faith and religion. A common mistake. God gave you faith. You invented religion for yourselves. That has nothing to do with God.
HR: Do you not think this is a bit unfair? I mean God could have given them some indication that He was not happy with the situation.
G: Don’t make me laugh. They have had enough warnings. Mount Saint Helens volcano? Tornados? Hurricanes? The Oakland’s Earthquake? Drought? Floods? Blizzards? Hailstorms? What more do they want? San Francisco is next to go.
HR: But lots of counties suffer these disasters?
G: True. But how many countries suffer from all of them? That should have given the Americans a hint. We even concentrated on their so call “Bible Belt” but they still wouldn’t shut up. If anything, it made them worse.
HR: But other people commit atrocities in the name of religion?
G: Here you go with the ‘religion’ thing again. That has nothing to do with us.
HR: What do you think your chances are of success?
G: We know the outcome. We will win. Don’t forget – we can see the future.
HR: Well, thank you for your time, Gay. You have been very candid.
G: My pleasure, Grandad. You know God is a great fan of yours? You are on the top of His Feed Reader.
HR: Wow! I’m honoured. One last question though?
G: Fire away.
HR: How does God intend to take the oath if He is called to give evidence?
G: Good question! We’re still working on that one.