My dirty little secret
This is going beyond a joke.
As I was scribbling off yesterday’s little epistle I hit the last full-stop. At that point a trap clacked and I had to edit the last lines, as you may have observed.
Hokay… The count then was six. Not long after it was seven. Then eight.
At one point I went to check the trap, which is in a dark corner and the trap had obviously sprung but the shape of the victim looked weird. On closer inspection I realised there were two dead mice in it. How the fuck did that happen? Ten! I was beginning to wear a track through the grass to the burial place.
There were two more since then to bring things up to an even dozen; one last night and another this morning. I performed a duel funeral.
The first two were the biggest and I have my suspicions that they were Daddy and Mammy. In particular one was very fat so my theory is that I might have dispatched a yet unborn generation. That is not a nice thought. The subsequent victims were considerably smaller so I think I am murdering a whole family, working my way down to the youngest.
I am a little concerned that my mass grave might be discovered. Will word spread amongst the community that mice are mysteriously disappearing? Mass slaughter is not in my nature but I’m scared that I’m becoming immune and hard hearted which surely is one step on the road to being a serial killer?
Have I been possessed by the spirit of Fred West?
You’ll need a patio for the full FW effect.
Does the mouse stick its head in the hole and trigger it, so the red bar falls on its neck? Seems based on Madame Guillotine, just blunter.
That is precisely how it works. Lift the little lid to add bait [peanut butter]. Then pull up the red bar until it clicks in the upright position and that’s it. It’s perfectly safe to handle, so no painful accidents. The mouse has to lift the lid over the bait and Bang! Instant dispatch. It’s very clean, safe and painless.
After our cat died a few years ago, we had trouble with rats! So I bought a 22 air rifle with a telescopic sight. Currently, it stands: me 10/ rats nil. I haven’t seen a rat for six months. Maybe word has got around. I didn’t bother with burial, just chucked them in the wheely bin.
As for mice, we have a humane trap. A small piece of chocolate at one end, the mouse enters, the trap tips and the little door closes. Then I drop them over the fence into the field – 100 feet down the garden.
I did think about getting a humane one but I would suspect they would just find their way back. Unless I dumped them over the neighbour’s fence?
I have heard that you have to release them at least 2 miles away or they’ll come back.
I think your mice are not well educated. But in a generation or two, they will be. We have Einstein, the rat, here in our garden. He outwits us everytime. If we ever do catch him, we will go down in history as the only old couple who were more intelligent than Einstein!
I don’t think my lot will ever be any smarter, simply because they’re dead. The count now stands at fifteen.