I was down in the village yesterday.

In line with the rest of the world there appears to be an obsession with coffee. I’m not sure what’s behind this. Is it something to do with American influence? Is it some kind of mass hypnosis? Whatever the reason it seems that the modern generations seem to think they are naked in the street unless they are clutching a large paper mug of the stuff.

As a result of this obsession there is now an over-abundance of establishments selling coffee. Dublin is by all accounts awash with them and weirdly, so is our little village. If I wanted to, I could enter up to seven establishments and order a coffee yet we only have one grocery shop [that also sells coffee]. Why? Why aren’t there tea rooms? Why are there only two pubs [that both sell coffee]?

Anyhows, as I said I was down in the village and went to one of the shops to get some takeaway dinner. They do a really excellent Mexican Bean Stew that I throw into a dish and lather the top with a layer of mashed potato. It’s really tasty and is excellent for cleaning out the body’s plumbing system. So I got my pots of stew but before I could leave the owner plonked a large mug of coffee in front of me. A wee freebie. Did I mention that shop sells coffee as well?

There is a certain level of rivalry between all the coffee shops which is quite fun to watch and this free mug I received was obviously a blatant attempt to bribe me away from my usual establishment. He even threw in a very nice tart [edible, not female]. So I sat outside his establishment – which isn’t half as comfortable as my usual place – and enjoyed my free tart and coffee. The owner even came out to bribe Penny with a fist full of ham. How obvious can you get?

The time came to go home. As it happened I had to walk past my usual coffee shop on the way back to the car. Penny of course shot in through the gate thinking I was going there. I told her quite firmly that I was caffeined enough and anyway Herself would be expecting me home. Penny wasn’t having any of it and planted her paws firmly and refused to budge. All this was witnessed by the manageress who was highly amused. I hadn’t the heart to tell her I had been unfaithful and had already had my ration so I had to say I was in a hurry and would be back later in the week. I had to drag Penny backwards out of the gate. She’s a stubborn bitch [Penny, not the manageress].

It was almost a relief to get home.

I made myself a large mug of tea to calm my nerves.