Herself wants me to install a shower.

I haven’t a clue where that idea came from.  Our toiletry arrangements have been fine for years, so I can’t understand why she wants to change things now.

I have always been very accommodating about her needs.  I have even been known to help her get the tin bath off the hook on the wall.  If she decides to have a bath during the winter, I even let her bring it indoors if there is snow on the ground.  You can’t say farer than that?

Eventually, her nagging got to me.  She is one of the world’s greatest naggers, and she made a point of watching all those fucking ‘makeover’ programmes on television for the last few weeks, and shrieking at me any time they showed someone’s bathroom.   I gave up.  A friend of a friend has just called around and the plans are in place.

Herself is to get her shower.

It’s quite simple really.  The back storeroom has a leak in the roof, so Benny is just going to put a flat pan thing under the leak to catch the water.  Herself can have a shower any time it rains, and I don’t have to get the roof mended.  Two birds with one stone, as it were.

I don’t understand all this modern obsession with hygiene anyway.  The body needs its natural oils and washing them off can’t be healthy.  I find that a good walk home from the pub in the rain does a good job, and in my opinion, that’s the way nature intended things to be.  I have heard that some people actually take a bath once a week, which is fucking ridiculous.  It’s no wonder there are problems with water shortages.

I blame the fucking Americans.