New traffic regulations to come into effect
Transport Minister Noel Dempsey has announced a series of new regulations which are to come into effect in the very near future.
Following on the report from the Road Safety Authority that one third of all road deaths are work related, he announced from his holiday on Bondi Beach that new measures were required to cut the carnage on our roads. “If one life can be saved, it will be worth it” he said.
The new legislation will ban any driver from using his or her car with the express intention of doing work. It is not yet clear if this legislation will include drivers who use their vehicles to drive to or from work, but it is expected to.
When contacted in his holiday villa in Malta, the minister stated that there would be exceptions to the new laws. “As people will be forbidden from driving to or from work, we have to provide additional public transport. Bus and taxi drivers will of course be considered as special cases.”
When asked about the inconsistency of this exception the minister, who was in Thailand at the time, replied that there would be no exceptions to the use of vehicles. “Bus and taxi drivers may continue to carry out their duties, but will, under the new laws be obliged to use bicycles”.
Noel Brett, Chief Executive of the Road Safety Authority welcomed the introduction of the new legislation. “Work related driving accidents cost millions of lives every day in this country” he said. “It is a well known fact, widely accepted by the scientific community that a van driver will kill at least a hundred people in the course of a week.” When challenged on the veracity of his figures, he retorted “what are you? Some kind of killer loving, child hating maniac?”
After intensive lobbying, Postal Workers have negotiated an exemption for themselves and will be allowed to continue delivering the post. They will however be restricted to a speed limit of 2 kilometres per hour on all roads.
Gay Byrne is said to be delirah and excirah at the new legislation
One of these fine days the Republic of Ireland will become that shining city on a hill that the founders dreamed of.
No-one except nuns will be allowed to drive cars and they will give cheery waves as they drive Brother Rapey to his new posting at a creche in Galway.
It has also been determined that the majority of accidents occur at home. You are all required to move with in the next 30 days. As soon as legal residency is establish at your new residence, you will be required to move again.
As driving for work is banned, you will not be able to hire a moving company, but must stack all of your belongs on top of your personal vehicle. You can take a tax deduction for rope required to tie down your belongings.
I believe our beloved leader Kim Il Cowen II has decided to take charge of this situation. “We must stop this carnage whereby workers are killed daily going forward in their vehicles. We have a solid policy in place and I would point out the Dell and Waterford Glass examples. We intend to accelerate this policy going forward, with currently over 400,000 people who are no longer workers. Within 18 months we would plan to have the number of workers down to nil or as near to nil as possible. This represents nil workers in a full calendar fiscal year.
At that stage we will have no workers being killed on our roads.
Going forward.
Just scumbags.
Going forward.
.-= kerryview´s last brainfart .. Discover Hidden Ireland, if you dare =-.
Cap’n Con – You left out the bit about them saying the rosary while they drive [something that I have actually witnessed!!]
Jim C – If none of us are allowed to live in our own homes, surely the thing to do is for everyone to just move next-door? A bit like the Mad Hatters Tea Party? Now why does that ring true?
Kerryview – That would ring true, but you lert out those two words that are now compulsory in any sentence uttered by a member of the government – “difficult decisions”.
It was a difficult decision to leave the phrase out. I’m just smarting that you got to blog this before us down here.
An intelligent Irish voter. Or so our TDs keep telling me.
.-= kerryview´s last brainfart .. Discover Hidden Ireland, if you dare =-.
Brilliant!
What an intellegent and forward-looking government you have there! Nobody driveing(except the Nuns) and nobody allowed to work (except the political elite ie. Party Members) and everyone has to move into self-sustaining 100% green public housing. Oh, and of course everyone will be on the dole. What a coup this will be for our movement! We will reduce our carbon footprint and our economies to ZERO!!!
.-= The Climate Scientist´s last brainfart .. Motivational Posters =-.
Kerryview – If you will insist on getting pissed every night and thereby suffer a hangover every morning, you must expect to be outdone occasionally. My advice is to drink more until you become accustomed to it.
TCS – The only problem is that by then Sarah Palin will have reduced the world to a radioactive black hole.
Sarah Pallin, Sarah Pallin, Sarah Pallin!
I would greatly prefer to see her running our country than Comrade The Messiah. Personally I am sick and tired of these political elites (read Demoncrats and most Rebooblicans) trying to increase the size and power of our federal government. The current liar and thief we have in power now has recently rasied the debt ceiling. This is the amount we cannot go over in borrowing. He just upped it all willy nilly because he wants to spend more money. WTF?
You can laugh at and attack Sarah Pallin all you want because the only thing you know about her is what the government sponsered mainstream media tells you. I saw her speak live on Tuesday October 28th, 2008. She has an incredible speaking presence. I saw Bill the liar, thief, philanderer, general all around scumbag and the second President to be impeached Clinton speak many moons ago and he has the same kind of presence that captivate the audience.
Sarah Pallin was just a mom who got involved in her local town government. You call them councils. After many years in local government she ran for Governor of her state, Alaska. She won. It was then that the Demoncrat political machine went to work to discredit her. Had Senator John McCain not picked her for his run for President would we know who she is? I think so.
She is to me just the kind of person we need in all levels of government, just a regular person interested in making our country stronger and better. She’s not a career politician. She’s is just a regular person who got involved in politics.
OK, I’ll get off my soapbox now. I’d vote for her in a heartbeat.
.-= Brianf´s last brainfart .. Motivational Posters =-.
Palin is a moron. The wingnuts can dress her up any way they like but it is obvious that she is a moron.
The woman couldn’t name a newspaper she reads when asked on the last campaign trail. if you are touting someone for President whose main claim to fame is a sort of rural ignorance then we’ll swap you Mary Coughlan for Sarah. On condition both are kept in a government facility called a ‘library’ for ten years or so.
Cap’n Con, Thanks for making my point.
“…because the only thing you know about her is what the government sponsered mainstream media tells you.”
.-= Brianf´s last brainfart .. Motivational Posters =-.