Roger is a pain in the arse
I never thought I would say this, but Roger the SatNav is being a right pain in the hole.
I think it all started that last day we went to Domme.
When we were leaving, I decided his tortuous route through the town was a bit much, so I followed the signposts instead. Now I grant you I did follow the wrong signposts, but at least I got us out of the lace legally, which is more than Roger would have done.
He went into a bit of a hissy fit as soon as we left the town and insisted on bringing us on a crazy tour of the local hills. Next thing I knew he had brought us to a top secret military installation. Why he wanted to go there, I will never know.
I found it on Google Earth, but they have deliberately fuzzed it up.
You can see the road Roger brought us on, at the top left. What the picture doesn’t show is that every ten feet there was a sign warning of the direst consequences if we even thought about stopping, let alone taking a photograph.
Here is a photograph.
I think that was Roger’s final downfall.
A few hundred yards further down the road I realised that Roger had locked up. I think the radiation must have fried his brain. Leastwise I had to give him a severe thump before he politely and contritely brought us home.
He has been acting up ever since. This morning we wanted to drive from Poitiers to Tours, but not on the motorway. You would think that would be a simple enough instruction, but Roger threw a fine strop. He refused to start altogether. I threw him across the car park and he decided to show us where we were. Or rather he showed us where he thought we were, but we weren’t there at all. I belted him off the car roof and he finally and reluctantly told us where we were, and he got it right, so we hit the road.
We had a fine journey, and stopped off in Chatellerault from a couple of lovely coffees in the sun.
It was when we were approaching Tours that things started to go wrong again.
According to Roger we were driving along a nice straight stretch of the road, even though we were driving through a small town at the time. Also a very irritating local radio station was blasting out of the speakers, even though I had told Roger to play silent music. I stopped the car and had to give him a belt of the wheel brace. He went and had a sex change and became a very irritating American woman, and then finally told us where our hotel was.
I just asked him where the local good eateries are. He suggested the hotel next door to us. I don’t trust him any more. It’s probably an abattoir.
God knows where we’ll end up tomorrow?
You left yesterday morning? Shouldn’t you be home by now ?
TT – Jayzus! Short of flying [which I haven’t mastered the art of yet, despite several disasterous attempts involving a few feathers and a barn roof], it would be difficlt to get home that quickly.
Irish Ferries, for reasons best known to themselves [and I doubt even they know] only sail from France on a Tuesday. Therefore I have to fart around France like a homeless hobo for three days.
I once drove an MGB from the Med to the Channel in, I think it was, 12 hours. 30 years ago. Take me a week now.
It is possible to drive home via England in less than 36 hours from south-west France. 500 miles up to a channel port, night boat to Portsmouth and an afternoon boat from Fishguard/Pembroke. We’ve done it for the past four summers. Nobody who wasn’t under time pressure would want to do it.
My brother has a SatNav with an American accent that uses actual real swear words in traffic jams.:
Brother’s SatNav (in a pile up on the motorway):
‘Not another f*****g traffic jam!
Sends everyone in the car into uncontrollable giggles.
Grandad – It those damn Electronic Surveillance and Interception systems at that secret base (that you shouldn’t have taken pictures of–nice knowing ya’) that did it. They spotted you coming and reprogrammed Roger’s little brain with conflicting orders and told him her should keep it a secret. If he starts calling you “Dave” I’d be pulling the plug if I were you.
Ger Atric – There are times when you just gotta love that old Yankee ingenuity.
Hey GD, hang about till next March and then jump on the Swansea Cork Ferry – it’ll be back up and running then and boy is it hot this way that time of year!
Plus think of all the shyte you’ll miss, Lisbon, the budget, NAMA etc, we’ll have total economic recovery, FF will be everyone’s favourites again, and life will be right back to ‘normal’!
no brainer, stay put!
Tuesday. I think the ferrry must have sank. Must have bought it used from the Philippines.
A French military installation? In France?
Are you sure Roger didn’t take you farther off course then you thought, maybe into Switzerland or Germany?
Or maybe it is not a military installation at all. Perhaps it is a communications center tracking the price of wine, or a transmitter site broadcasting French porn.
It is now three days since Roger led Grandad and Herself into the great unknown – has the Ninth Legion met the Bermuda Triangle causing their disappearance without trace?
Ian. He was drunk and got on the wrong boat. Captured by Somali pirates somewhere off Swansea. Being held to ransom. All his family and friends had a whip round. Needless to say he is still not released.
Would Somali pirates want duty free wine and pipe tobacco?
Seems more likely that American Spooks got him.
Grandads in Guantanamo Bay? – they’ll release him within a day! (and tell him not to come back!)