Taxing times
Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow.
That is an old adage that I have lived by for years and it has stood me in good stead.
One of the things I have been putting off for as long as possible is my income tax returns.
Howeverâ¦. the tax people have a nasty habit of jumping down my neck if I donât submit on time.
Last weekend, I settled down and worked out all my incomings and outgoings. I added in my liabilities [Herself was top of the list] and my assets [GSOH?]. They wanted to know about my offshore accounts, but they can fuck off. Do they think Iâm stupid.
At the end of the day, I fed all my figures into the computer and pressed the button.
It whirred away for a moment and then coughed up the final amount that I owe the tax people.
â¬3.
This worried me.
I phoned my accountant, and he asked me to send him my figures. He phoned me a short while later and said that my tax liability was, in fact â¬3.
Our Glorious Leader Biffo has been going on at length about how we are in the worst financial crisis for hundreds of years. How he knows, I donât know, as I doubt he has been around that long? He must be serious though, as he appealed to our patriotism, and told us it was our duty to support our country.
Of course the Old Age Pensioners rallied and forewent their medical cards and the children decided they would accept larger class sizes. All the twelve year old girls are going to run the risk of cervical cancer, and all in the name of patriotism.
I felt bad about my measly contribution to the coffers. The government have a lot of important things to spend money on, like employing their families as advisors, or taking trips as far as possible on St Patrickâs day. I felt that I was a traitor to the cause. I felt bad. I felt I had to make a contribution.
I sent âem a tenner.
Got their pound of flesh off me I can tell you. Feckin PAYE. Still, the excise on your tobacco should help too, so don’t feel too bad.
My tax takes about 2 minutes to do – income + sponsor child – bus fare…I’d call in an accountant, but a chimp with a pen could do it! I have a soda after all that exhaustion…
It should only cost them about twice that to process your payment.
Thrifty – I have no conscience about the amount. If you saw how much I have paid over a lifetime of PAYE!!
Michael – If only life were that simple here. It’s all these Addbacks and Capital Depreciation that get to me. I am useless at finance. [Lend me a quid?]
Jim C – Do you think I should have sent more?
There’s the 1% Levy next year – that will put your bill up!
There will be an extra 15 cent to pay – and of course there’s the 50 cent duty on the cheque with which you will pay it.
15c ??? The BASTARDS!!!!
Very altruistic of you, Sir. Give that man a round of applause….
You probably read that some imbecile in England left a disc in a car park containing all the user names and passwords for a major government website that processes among other things income tax returns. The whole website had to be shutdown while they frantically re-secured it.
I dare say all my personal bank details are floating around in a layby somewhere near Birmingham.
So what will you do with the â¬7 tax rebate they send you back?