Herself wants a fire.
I assume she means in the front room where there is a fireplace. I try to fulfill her requests but a fire anywhere else would probably burn the house down. I would have to draw the line at that.
So yesterday I set about the task of sweeping the chimney. This may sound like a simple job, especially as we haven’t lit a fire there since I last swept it. So why sweep it now, you ask?
Those worthless avians have a habit of building a nest in my chimney pot. This requires a lot of work on their part as the engineering principle is quite simple. Any engineer will tell you that the first principle of good building is good foundations. And the problem with building foundations in a vertical cylinder is that there is no base.
The fucking rooks overcome the foundation problem by just dropping stuff down the stack. Twigs, sticks, sheeps’ wool, or anything that comes to hand/beak. All this crap is dumped down my chimney until presumably something becomes wedged in the pot, whereupon they build their nest. Though this time I think they just filled the entire stack to the brim.
So I am left with a two-story chimney stack full of sticks and twigs. Of course I could just set a match to the twigs in the hearth but that fire would rapidly become a vertical bomb which at the very least would crack the chimney lining. So I’m left with the job of removing all the shit the fucking rooks have dropped down.
So far I have removed two very large boxfulls, and still the chimney is blocked. Yesterday I managed to send a rod the full way up so it stuck out waving in the evening breeze. However, try as I might, I can’t get the brush up. It goes up about twelve feet but then gets stuck. I have no idea what’s causing the blockage but at a rough guess it’s a few branches that are wedged up there.
I was knackered after a while so I left it. I have to return to it again today as I left the room in a mess with black sooty rods all over the floor, a few dust sheets and a mountain of twigs in the hearth I still have to dump. I’m not looking forward to it.
The things I do for that woman!