Around twenty years ago we bought a new kitchen.

It was very expensive but we wanted a bespoke one to our design using top quality materials. Literally no expense spared.

I don’t regret the cost for a moment. It is still as solid as the day it was built. All the drawers still slide in and out gently and easily. All the doors still hang perfectly……. Except for the pet cupboard.

The pet cupboard is at the end at an angle to the others and is about half as wide. That is where we keep little treats, snacks and bags of bird food and the like. Some years ago something happened to that cupboard door. Opening or closing it felt like there was a bit of a speed bump and it made a funny clunk noise, unlike the others which were all silent.

Last night I was getting Penny’s night time treats and the fucking door fell off.

Well, it didn’t exactly fall off but the upper hinge had come apart. The door now stood open at a very drunken angle and wouldn’t close at all. I left it. It was too late at night to be pissing around with kitchen fittings.

I tried to fix it today. I couldn’t see exactly how the hinge fitted as it was a complicated looking yoke with screws everywhere for fixing and adjusting. It reminded me of one of those Transformer toys that used to be the rage. I removed the two parts to play around with them. I quickly discovered the two parts actually click together using a spring loaded clip. Great. But to screw them back I had to break them apart again to access two of the screw holes. It was a hell of a job separating them.

I carefully screwed the first part into the cupboard wall. I clicked the two parts together. I then went to screw the other part to the door. Grand. I tried closing the door. The fucking hinge fell apart and I couldn’t get it to click together again. Fuck fuck FUCK!

I repeated the entire process. The hinge was fine and solid if it was removed, but as soon as it was in place it snapped apart again.

I found the problem.

It actually wasn’t the top hinge that was giving the problem – it was the bottom one which had remained perfectly fixed all the time. The problem was a simple adjustment screw which had come loose. The bottom hinge was closing at the wrong angle and that was causing the upper hinge to break.

I reassembled everything and tightened the bottom errant screw.

The door closes perfectly for the first time in years. But I still tip-toe past it, just in case.

The whole time I had been working on the door and its hinges, poor Penny had been going quite frantic. I was messing around at the cupboard where I keep her treats! Why the fuck wasn’t I giving her any? What was I doing messing with her place?

I made myself a mug of tea and gave Penny a grand big chunk of some disgusting looking thing.

We deserved it.