The new driving test
While I’m on the subject of dogs,,,,
I’m not quite sure what a “dog behaviour expert” is but I think I would class them in the same category as “fashion adviser” or “eyebrow technician”. The poor girl even misspells her own name.
So we need a theory test before obtaining a dog licence; the rationale being that dogs can kill? Presumably then we will soon have driving tests before being allowed to purchase kitchen knives, gardening tools and just about any implement used by a builder? It’s a dangerous world out there and we must be protected from ourselves at all costs.
Of course our “expert” is overlooking a fundamental flaw in her theory. People who have dangerous dogs are generally people who don’t bother with dog licences. In fact I would imagine there are a hell of a lot of dog owners out there who never bothered with a licence anyway which makes the “test” somewhat of a daft idea. I could never understand what a dog licence is for anyway apart from robbing more cash out of a gullible public. What do you get in return for the licence? Nothing! If you got discounted dog-food or something like that I could see the point but otherwise it’s just another scam.
What intrigues me is the kind of questions they would ask in this “test”.
How many legs does a dog have? 2, 4, 6 or 8?
Does a dog go woof or meow?
Do you require this dog as a pet or a fashion accessory?
Which end do you put the food in? At the nose end or the tail end?
If a dog barks, does it mean he is angry, happy, no reason at all or all of the above?
If your dog shits in the street do you A) pick up the turd in a plastic bag and hang it off the nearest fence, B) kick the turd into the gutter or C) pretend it wasn’t your dog that did it?
Is a bitch a female dog, your wife / girlfriend or both?
All answers to be submitted along with the test fee of €100 [non-refundable]. Please note the test fee does not include the dog licence.
When I moved from the North to Dublin in 1999, I went to the post office in Ballybrack and bought a dog licence. Some people suggested to me that this was rather eccentric behaviour, so I never bought one again.
I don’t know if my parents ever bought a licence but I never have. I just don’t see the point of it apart from being just another tax.
Creedons Dog Care “Our training team is headed up by Ireland’s first certified dog behaviourist Nanci Creedon M.Sc. Nanci is Ireland’s leading dog behaviour expert…”
Of course she has no financial interest whatsoever in the possible introduction of mandatory owner testing and the nice training revenue stream that might bring.
Our Muffin is a Dog and a Behavior Expert (so far as human behavior goes), but she’s never been a grifter or self publicist 🙂
Who exactly appointed her as “Ireland’s leading dog behaviour expert”? It sounds like a grandiose title she has given herself. Was there a competition? Was there an exam?
These days “an expert” is usually an activist with an agenda.
Dog licences were abolished in England, Scotland and Wales in 1987.
Answers to your test questions:
How many legs does a dog have? 2, 4, 6 or 8?
A – 8… Oh, wait… I have 2 dogs haha!
Does a dog go woof or meow?
A – Mine kinda snarls..
Do you require this dog as a pet or a fashion accessory?
A – None of the above, I keep American Pit Bulls, so they are a status symbol.
Which end do you put the food in? At the nose end or the tail end?
A- Whichever end vacuums the food up before it comes within 3 feet. Plus the welding gloves used to serve it.
If a dog barks, does it mean he is angry, happy, no reason at all or all of the above?
A – It means he’s going to kill next door’s yapper when he can get off this chain..
If your dog shits in the street do you A) pick up the turd in a plastic bag and hang it off the nearest fence, B) kick the turd into the gutter or C) pretend it wasn’t your dog that did it?
A – Pick up the turd and hurl it through next door’s front window. Without the bag.
Is a bitch a female dog, your wife / girlfriend or both?
A – Karma
Okay. You get to licence your mutts. Where’s my €100?
The dog ate it.
Here in Oregon, on the decidedly Left Coast U.S.A. the license is supposedly proof of a rabies vaccination. (The dog; not the owner.)