Certified pure Heroin
A HSE drug analysis tent will be in operation at this year’s Electric Picnic.
I am a little confused as to how this will operate.
Let’s assume for the sake of argument that I am going to attend this raucous field of noise. I arrive, I pitch my tent and then head off looking for a nice little stash of the drug of my choice. I find the right bloke [probably behind the Portaloos] and hand over a wodge of cash for a few pills or a little packet.
Now the problem arises – is my stash pure or not? How worried am I? This is important as I have just forked out my entire spending money on a few pills so do I really want to waste one of those pills by popping it into the “Anonymous Bin”?
Let’s assume I am of a paranoid persuasion and do indeed submit my sample [anonymously], how do I get my result? Do I present myself at the counter and tell ’em that I’m the chap who donated an Ecstasy tablet or pinch of Cocaine and can I please have the test results? Bear in mind that “the HSE has said that gardaí will be undertaking their usual enforcement plans at the festival and that the “surrender bin” does not “grant amnesty” to those found in possession of controlled drugs.” Surely The Boys in Blue will watch out for the test results [yup – high grade heroin] and then pounce on the unfortunate as he or she reports in for the result?
The only way this could work would be for the HSE to report equally anonymously by chalking up the results for all to see. “Submitted batch 096 has been guaranteed pure“. Of course the dealer can then up his [or her] price on the grounds that the product has been certified pure by the HSE.
Have they actually thought this one through?
I think, on balance, I would skip the test, thanks very much.
You can be too careful.
souds like a self administered darwinian trial to me
I would imagine that’s a perfect description. Lull them into a sense of security and then pounce!
Great to see the HSE doing free quality control for the Kinehan-Hutch gang. Though if the HSE also supplied the goods maybe they wouldn’t soak up such a large share of budget
Perhaps they could test the beer quality as well – a lot of festival drink offerings are really poor quality, adulterated muck.
Does HSE now stand for, “Here’s Some Ecstasy”?
At the end of the evening a plain clothes Gardai will approach with a whole sack of confiscated samples.
No point surrendering all the good stuff into the evidence lock-up.
I used to live next door to the local sergeant. Every Christmas we used to get smashed, polishing off bottles of confiscated poitín [very strong Irish “moonshine”]. Happy days.
Just had my Nephew’s annual micro rave down the bottom of my field. Great do. Good boom-boom “music”. Excellent consumables. No Gardai/Plod 🙂
On an serious note (as I think put forth by Tim Worstall a while ago): the origin of “Brands” is in establishing what is “good stuff” i.e. not too bad for you, so as to distinguish from what is just unknown, possibly nasty, quality. So, rather than the Plod testing your stash (and won’t they just say “DOOM” anyway?) wot we need is established drug brands and ability to defend such in court. Which means bringing all that naughty stuff inside the law, rather than prohibition.
Ps: @ Doonhamer: wouldn’t be the first time.
I heard a story a couple of years ago of the police in a corner of England apprehending a young man for selling pills. He laughed as thry took him to the station and when they asked what was so funny he told them that the pills had been Bob Martins.
I assume the punters had shiny coats and I’m not sure if the young man could have been charged with anything.
The Stradbally tent would clearly avoid the problem of canine narcotics!
I also heard of a lad in one of the “higher class” [i.e. expensive] boarding schools who was caught flogging cannabis resin to his fellow pupils. It transpired he was selling cut up Oxo cubes!
That would be funny. Can you imagine the Rizla and Golden Virginia with the tsate of beef stock?