What is my dog eating?
When I was at the vet yesterday I bought Penny a treat.
It was a pack of brown sticks that looked like cigars made of dried leather. A neighbour had given her one before and she loved it.
So back home I opened the pack and gave her one. She took it with delight and went off to the couch to chew it.
Later on I picked up the pack out of curiosity. I like to know what I’m feeding the dog. The name intrigued me – Bulls Pizzles. I looked it up on the Interwebs.
Fuck!
I was feeding the dog a shrivelled up bull’s penis! Somewhere in the world a bull was wandering the field minus his manhood to provide Penny with a treat?
All right. I admit it. I couldn’t resist a drop of infantile humour. I started giving a running commentary to Herself in the other room.
“The dog’s on the couch chewing her penis“.
or
“Penny’s just gone out to the garden with her penis in her mouth“.
or for variety
“Penny is back on the couch and has just bitten the end off her willy and is masticating“.
I don’t know what the neighbours would think if they overheard?
It reminded me of an old song from back in my troubadour days when I collected a variety of songs with dubious and questionable lyrics. Some were kept strictly for the select few or for the fully inebriated crowd.
We were on the good ship Venus.
By Christ you should have seen us.
The figurehead was a whore in bed
Sucking a dead man’s ……
Well, you can guess the rest.
There are times when I wonder if I ever grew up.
There are reports in the UK press about school meal providers not being able to afford beef in future….
I have a plentiful supply of Pizzles if they want them?
Thé bos’un’s name was Carter
By God he was a farter !
When the Wind wouldn’t blow
And the ship wouldn’t go
We got Carter the farter to start ‘er
It’s one of those with a ton of individual additions, modifications and versions, each vying to be more risqué than the previous.
This one was related by my Dad, from his time in the 2nd World War. He couldn’t remember it all, and always fell about laughing before the end. Now, thanks to the internet…
https://monologues.co.uk/Anonymous/Farting_Contest.htm
The captain’s name was Horton,
By hell he had a short ‘un.
But to make up for his loss,
He had balls like an ‘oss
And a fart like a 500 Norton.
Happy days.
The former owner of the organ won’t have missed it for very long – it’s off to the factory before they are 30 months old.
You can grow old, but should never grow up|
“There are times when I wonder if I ever grew up”.
God, I hope not.