I have got it.
But I haven’t a clue what it is.
It can’t be Monkeypox because that would be racist and discriminatory. Anyway the symptoms are wrong.
Could it be Mousepox? Have I developed a new strain which is destined to sweep the planet?
It could be Covid but then the question arises as to which flavour. BA-1? BA-4? BA-5? Omicron? Delta? Symptoms seem to vary over time and what was once a symptom isn’t any more.
My suspicion is that it’s just a common bug – sore throat, dry cough and headaches. Nothing serious at all. But the problem is that my innocent little bug claims it is mis-gendered and actually identifies as Ebola and could I please respect its wishes and treat it as such. I pointed out that all this identity business is a whole load of shite and if it’s a common cold then I refuse to call it Ebola or Beriberi or anything else it fancies fits its lifestyle of choice.
Why does life have to be so fucking complicated these days?
Time to take a couple of Panadol and carry on as normal.
I think I’ll cut the grass.
Good god, whatever you do don’t let the public know of your “bug” or you’ll be branded a threat to humanity.
Whoops, too late.
Now that identifying as whatever the hell you want to be, has become an actual thing I have decided to contact the Internal Revenue Service and officially identify as a non-Taxpayer.