Once again, I missed it.

Yesterday was apparently Earth Day when we are all supposed to do something for the planet and I completely forgot. Normally I would celebrate the occasion by burning a load of old car tyres soaked in old sump-oil, but I suppose there is always next year?

Of course Eamonn “The Cabbage” Ryan, the leader of our Great Green Party was to the fore, ranting on about how we should all be walking or cycling and how cars were evil. We should all be switching off our lights at night too as we are using much too much electricity.

Here, it gets a bit confusing. Normally Ryan whines on about saving the planet by unplugging things, but this year it’s to win the war in Ukraine. By all accounts if I switch my television off at night instead of leaving it on standby, this will bring Putin to his knees, begging for mercy. It gets even more confusing then as I don’t know whether I am saving money, the planet or Ukraine, or even all three. Leastwise I am to use less electricity, drive slower or walk. Our gubmint is about to start an information campaign telling me how to do everything, which is reassuring.

Having got the stage for his special day, The Cabbage came up with an announcement. Ukrainian refugees are now allowed to exchange their driving licences for Irish ones. Isn’t that a magnanimous gesture? Now call me a nit-picker if you like but I can see a little problem with this.

First of all, Ukrainian road conditions are completely different from ours, even down to the minor matter of driving on a different side. So our new visitors will be allowed instant and unfettered permission to take the wheel?

There there is the minor matter of insurance. Do they automatically qualify for free insurance? What company is going to be lumbered with that little burden?

And lastly and by no means the least, what are these Ukrainians supposed to be driving? Are they all fleeing the war in their Mercedes, Audis and Ladas? I was led to understand they were fleeing with basically the clothes on their backs with maybe a small suitcase. Maybe The Cabbage is going to give them free cars as well?

I really wouldn’t put it past him.