All Creatures Great and Small
We have a house guest at The Manor.
I have no idea when he arrived as he is the quietest guest we have ever had. I saw no signs of his arrival: no food disappearing or any sort of physical traces. I honestly wouldn’t know he was around if I hadn’t seen him.
I first saw him a couple of weeks ago. I was sitting in with Herself watching something incredibly boring on television when a movement caught my eye. I looked to see what this movement was but all I could see was a ball of fluff or something under the radiator. I didn’t remember seeing this particular item before and stared at it in the hopes that I could remember. But as I stared it moved slightly and a pair of tiny black eyes examined me. It was the smallest mouse I have seen in quite a while.
I have two complaints against mice. They tend to shit all over the kitchen surfaces and they rob food in the cupboard. There is nothing worse that taking a fresh bag of sugar off a shelf only for it to pour out its contents through a hole some fucking mouse has torn in the bottom of the packaging. However, having seen our new lodger I did a careful audit of the kitchen and everything was as clean as I had left it. Even better, the bags of sugar are untouched. This lad was really well behaved.
I called him Mr Jingles. I was thinking of Micky, but it crossed my mind that if I mentioned a Micky wandering around her room she might get confused and not a little excited. Then there was Jerry, but that is unworthy of our guest. I even toyed with Nonny which was the name of a white mouse I had as a child [A Nonny-Mouse. Gettit?], but Mr Jingles it is.
Herself is quite happy to let him stay too. I don’t know about Penny as I’m not sure she has even seen him. A couple of times he has checked her out while she was asleep. I have seen him quite a few times since. It’s always a little movement out of my line of sight, so I look and there he is, sitting quietly and sending me nice thoughts.
So in the spirit of Christmas, we are welcoming Mr Jingles into our home. All creatures great and small, and all that shit. I might even put down a dinner for him as I doubt he’d join us at the table.
I’ll wait until the New Year to kill him.
Could it be a shrew? You could call it Kate! By the way, how do you tell the gender of a mouse?
(I don’t know the punchline)
Penny will poop it out before the new year
“I might even put down a dinner for him as I doubt he’d join us at the table.”
You never know. Set a place for him, just in case. It is Christmas after all.
In Thomas Hardy tradition, it might kneel at midnight on Christmas Eve. Although that might be difficult to verify.