There’s a bit of fun going on here in Ireland at the moment.
For anyone outside these shores, the story may be a little confusing so I will try to explain.
It all started at the last election. Kat, who had been a Senator and a TD and even a Minister lost her job. She found herself at a loose end so she fucked off back to America which is where she came from in the first place [we’re not fussy where we get our politicians from].
Earlier this year she found she was getting bored or something. Maybe her Senator’s pension and her TD’s pension and her Ministers pension still left her a bit short but anyway she decided to ask her old friend Paschal for a job. I imagine she wasn’t fussy and asked if he needed his lawn mowed or his clothes washed or anything just so long as it was a job.
Paschal is a sitting representative and being a politician he did what all politicians do – he passed the buck to his pal Simon, who is a Minister.
Now Simon is in a very senior position in the gubmint and therefore wants to please everyone with empty promises so he sent a text to Kat saying that he’d see what he could do. After all, she had been a Senator and a Minister so she was a member of The Club. Maybe he could invent a job as a Special Envoy in the United Nations if that would keep her quiet?
This would have been fine, but for one thing: Kat took this as an actual job offer and began dreaming up all the things she could do in this new post.
The months passed and Kat heard nothing. At this stage she had written out her own job specification for her new job as “Special Envoy on Freedom of Opinion and Expression” and had even ordered curtains and carpet for her new office, but still no word from Simon. She fired off correspondence to Simon and Pascal and a few others including the United Nations wanting to know where the fuck her new job was and when would she start? This of course caused massive confusion, particularly in the United Nations as it was the first anyone had heard about this new invented job.
The shit hit the fan.
Of course we are getting the usual calls for resignations [when did a politician ever resign after a massive cock-up?] and enquiries and endless waffle in the meeja. Paschal is saying it’s nothing to do with him. Simon is saying he never offered a job in the first place [and has swiftly deleted all his messages to Kat]. Kat has been told in no uncertain terms that there’s no job in the United Nations and has she tried applying for a job in McDonalds or Walmart?
When the dust settles nothing will have changed.
Is it any wonder I have no time for politicians?