I was down in the village earlier.

I did my drop of shopping and then, naturally, decided to have a relaxing mug of coffee.

I was just finishing up and was about to go home when Herself phoned.

“Do you have an on-line investment?” she barked.

This was one of those WTF moments as they call them.

“No” says I. “Why?”

“I just had a call from a foreign sounding woman who wants to speak to you about your on-line investments.”

It took a wee while to convince her that I hadn’t a fucking clue what she was talking about. Luckily after forty or more years she’s beginning to trust me.

The caller may have been foreign, but so was the idea that I had some hidden stash squirrelled away somewhere. I began to see the light though. Could this be the same little friend I had made a couple of weeks ago? I told Herself that I was on my way home and we’d talk then.

So it transpired that my Little Petruska had demanded to speak to me and got very stroppy with Herself when she demanded to know who was calling. Apparently the imaginary investment terms meant I was the only person who could take the call. It was a huge mistake getting stroppy with Herself [as I can testify and have the x-rays to prove it] and she threatened to report the caller to the Gardaí. This didn’t phase Natasha one little bit and she said she would phone back tomorrow when I’m in. Herself told her to fuck off.

I checked the number on the phone. Yes, it was the same Russian woman, same German number as before – 00491515055199. Not content with dealing with my fraud complaints she now wants to set me straight on my investment policies. My little Svetlana is obviously multi talented.

I’m looking forward to the phone call. Maybe she does really want to have my babies?

It will be interesting to see how far I can push her.