I’m sure I have said this before, but I just don’t understand sport.
I can understand exercise and a bit of craic though. Kicking a ball around a field with a few mates is grand. I have also done a bit of cycling in my younger days so I can see the attraction there [if only they didn’t clutter up the road]. I was quite a dab hand at Darts in my younger drinking days and could toss a mean arrow. What I don’t understand is this competitive stuff.
The television is full of the Olympics at the moment and these are the most baffling of the lot.
A group of people run around in circles and somehow the honour of a country is at stake. If your country’s runner happens to be the fastest there is rejoicing in the streets. Why? Within a few days everyone will have forgotten about it with the exception maybe the runner. There is this weird competition between countries to get the most gold medals, but what really does this mean? Is one country somehow superior to another just because their competitor happened to win?
And there are so many sports. A person might be able to run the fastest around a circle but they can’t row for fuck. A boxer might be a champion at that but is fuck all use at gymnastics.
In my school days I was considered to be an oddity and was the subject of some derision. Why? Because I didn’t “follow” a football team. It was apparently some kind of obligation to memorise in great deal the history and achievements of a football team in another country. In my day, you were a Queer if you preferred women to football.
Even now I occasionally get asked if I “watched the match last night”. Naturally this leads to a blank look as I haven’t a clue what they are talking about. Football? Hurling? Rugby? If I just say no then I have landed myself in for a long account of how brilliant/awful the match was. I then glaze over and nod periodically until they have finished. Sometimes, to avoid this I just say I don’t follow sport. This is usually greeted with a look of horror. “But you must follow some sport?” When I say I don’t follow any sport whatsoever this usually leads to total disbelief and the end of any conversation.
Sport could be quite interesting if they changed the rules a bit. When the starting gun goes to start a race they could let loose a pack of bad tempered Dobermans? They could do the same for swimming with a few sharks? Why can’t the high-jump not be over a brick wall instead of a prissy pole [and do away with that pansy cushion on the other side too]? That would sort out the men from the boys.
But in the meantime if you want to talk about sport, try someone else.