I went down to the film set yesterday.

I can’t call it the village any more as they have taken over the place entirely.

I left the house and got stuck at the end of the lane – roadworks, I had to wait for a flagman to let me out.

A couple of hundred yards later I got stuck at temporary traffic lights. Those fuckers are back, just when I thought we were done with them.

By the time I had navigated that lot I wasn’t in the best of form, but far far worse was yet to come.

I drove on down to where the village used to be. Fucking flag men everywhere with stop-go signs denying, or giving me permission to drive through what was my village. There are traffic cones everywhere blocking off my usual perfectly good parking spots. I had to drive straight through to the road to Skobieville as they have blocked off all the other roads.

I eventually got parking. Sheer luck. Penny and I went for the long walk back.

I discovered the reason for all the stop-go signs – they are resurfacing all the roads. I kid you not. Granted the old road was getting very ugly with all those white lines and yellow lines everywhere. They aren’t actually resurfacing, more a case of surfacing. Every square inch of road surface is suddenly cobbled. They put down a template frame and then spray what must be liquid stone on the frame. The latter is removed and there is another neat rectangle of very realistic cobbles. I suppose it’s too much to hope that the council won’t destroy them with paint afterwards?

The place is packed. I thought it would be a little quieter after the bank holiday, but no – crowds just hanging around blocking all the footpaths,, staring and waving their mobile phones everywhere taking photographs. And everywhere you look there’s heavy machinery and gangs of blokes in yellow waistcoats acting like they own the fucking place.

They have even taken over the bus terminus. Buses now have to drive through to a special place in the local sports field where they have laid down a full and proper road system with turning circles and a bus shelter. What the fuck did that cost? This is insane.

Worst of all, my coffee shop is still closed. I half hoped it would be there but the film mob have taken it over.

And I have to go back down again today to pick up more stuff as the place will be closed next week.

I am NOT a happy camper.