I heard some startling news yesterday down in the village.

There is a strong rumour that the village is going to get a Disneyland.

I’m not talking about one of those theme park thingies like they have in Paris: no, I mean they are going to turn the village into Disneyland. All the buildings will be converted and doubtless chaos will ensue.

Apparently Disney are making a film or a sequel to a film [they are finding it difficult to come up with original ideas so nearly everything is a sequel these days] and are taking over the whole village for the summer. Frankly the whole idea fills me with a lump of dread in my stomach. I have had experiences of this phenomenon in the past and generally it usually entails a lot of ducking and diving. Roads get blocked and whole areas are shut off while they fanny about with their lights and cameras. And even when I manage to get into a shop I suddenly find myself shut in while they “do just a quick take” outside.

Yes, our humble little village tends to crop up in a few films. The shopkeepers love it as while it may interrupt trade for a bit, they get their shop fronts repainted twice – once to the film maker’s wishes and once again to return it to its former glory. Once they forgot to repaint the telephone box and for a couple of years we had a red one which confused the hell out of the tourists.

I don’t know what the film is but the story has it that our little national school is going to transform itself into a princess castle which sounds weird. How can a single story building become a castle? They’d be better off transforming my gaff. Now there’s a thought? – let them use The Manor while paying for us to stay in France for a couple of months?

On a lower scale, I wonder how they are doing for extras?

Is there a place for a tall bloke with very long hair [i.e. a Covid Cut] and a grey beard?

I’m not cheap but I’m the real deal.