If you want a pint here in Ireland you have to order a “substantial meal” as well.
No one has defined exactly what a “substantial meal” is except that it must cost €9 or more, so presumably an overpriced packet of peanuts might work? It seems to be one of those regulations which is wide open to vague interpretation by the local Plod, which is a dangerous thing.
Naturally there is a simple answer to this. If you’re not hungry and only want a few pints then all you have to do is order a meal and then not eat it. Apparently quite a few copped on to this ruse so loads of “substantial meals” were just being chucked untouched into the bin.
A little drop of lateral thinking came into play here. No one likes to see food go to waste, especially when there are so many homeless. So pubs came up with an ingenious ploy. Before you order your pints, you order your meal, but donate it to the homeless. The pub donates the cost of the meal to a homeless charity and you get your pints. After all, the law says you have to order a meal but it can’t force you to eat it yourself?
Local Plod doesn’t like this however. They reckon it breaks the “spirit of the law” but seeing as the law is so fucking stupid, no one seems to know what the “spirit” is.
The only reason for this law, as far as I can work it out, is that the Virus is incredibly intelligent. It only hangs around pubs that have no kitchen even if the publican is providing meals from the chipper/kebab/curry shop next door. The pub has to have its own kitchens to hold the Virus at bay. It is also avoids the punters if they are physically eating a meal. The fact that they have donated their meal to someone else means they are now vulnerable.
But even if the punter dutifully eats his meal [which he doesn’t really want] he has only an hour and a half to do so. The Virus obviously has an inbuilt timer and as soon as the time is up, it strikes.
When you add this to the other remarkable attributes, such as the Virus’ ability to count how many people are assembled somewhere and even work out how many houses visitors came from then this is a truly amazing Virus.
In fact the Virus is considerably more intelligent than the people making up these inane laws.