I have been doing a hell of a lot of phoning over the last week.

Any attempt to contact a hospital invariably led to engaged tones or unanswered phones. And when I did get through I would be shunted off to another number that equally was engaged or unanswered. By the time I finally got through to someone who could give me a progress report on Herself I was fairly frazzled. However being the nice bloke that I am, I always spoke politely and cheerfully. After all, nurses aren’t responsible for phone systems.

I did notice that anyone I spoke to tended to be rather abrupt and almost hostile. They would give yes or no answers and never embellished their responses. I had to pump them for every bit of information. I put it down to being overworked.

I got a phone call from an Occupational Therapist yesterday. She was a nice sounding person but she too was somewhat frosty. She kept asking weird questions that utterly confused me. She was very concerned about the “home situation”. I didn’t know what the fuck she meant so I asked her.

“Will you be there when she comes home?” says she.

“Naturally” says I. “Where else would I be?”

She hummed and hawed a bit and finally said that she had to ask me something which she found embarrassing and she hoped I wouldn’t take things the wrong way or think she was being judgemental. What the fuck?

She asked about the fact that once I had gotten Herself off to hospital that I had moved my girlfriend into the house and was going to seek a divorce.

I burst out laughing which was probably the wrong reaction, but I was somewhat stunned. This was beyond weird. I asked her where the fuck she heard that little gem. She said she had been told by the first hospital. God knows where they got it. They probably mixed up files or something. At least it explained the hostility I had been experiencing.

Anyhows I assured the poor woman that there was no girlfriend [chance would be a fine thing] and that I had no notions of any divorce. I pointed out that we had been together for forty five years and if I was going to quit I would have done it years ago. She took a little convincing as presumably hospital records are fact regardless of reality. I apologised for laughing but said I had been so taken aback at how ridiculous her assertion had been.

She was embarrassed. She was relieved. She had been dreading the phone call. She suddenly became a lot more friendly.

We chatted for a long time then, wondering where the misinformation had come from, and discussing the layout of the house and how I shifted Herself around on a daily basis. She wanted to know what equipment I had or what I needed. I got a laugh out of her a few times. We got on very well then.

She gave me her phone number.

I’m going to phone her now and ask her to move in.